Holy Christ on Crutches, JCW..you just "statemented" someone.

This morning, I committed one of my personal sins.  As I was standing in line waiting to pay for my coffee, (It wouldn't have happened if that cashier moved a little faster..this guy can't make change and speak at the same time.  He addresses me as "Hun"..and I won't even go into detail of the fact that he commented on my cream cheese purchase. I need to treat myself and go to Starbucks)..I see my friend Dave.  I look at him and say, "You look tan."

Holy Christ on Crutches, JCW..you just "statemented" someone.  It wasn't a compliment and now Dave is looking at me questioning if he looks fresh as a daisy (a man daisy) or if he looks like he just used his frequent member card at Tan So Much. I later apologize to Dave for my simpleton ways and educate him on the curse of "statementing".

This trend is defined (by me) as a person (usually one who likes to hear themselves talk) that makes a statement, thinking it's a compliment.  It comes out so benign, yet awkwardly, that the receiver doesn't know to either thank the sender or flip them off.  Let me give you an example with both "what I am thinking" vs. "what I would like to say" when I get one of these statements.

"Your hair is getting so long."
(What I am thinking--bad long or good long?  I know my hair doesn't look great.  I have been using Suave since the freakin' TSA in Cincinnati took my Kerastase.)
(What I want to say:  Ironic because it is a wig.  I have alopecia. I got this from Locks of Love.)

"You are so skinny."
(What I am thinking--I know!  I haven't altered my pants since losing a few pounds.)
(What I want to say:  YES!  Vomiting and laxative are paying off!)

"You are getting so big. (when, I was several months pregnant)
(What I am thinking:  Thanks. I know, I have 'roids and stretch marks to show for it)
(What I want to say:  Screw you.)

I believe the cure to this, is to just blankly stare. Technically there is no need for a thank you or an awkward o-kay.  My attention is yours--is the compliment coming soon?  No?  Move on.

Call me harsh (I will consider that a compliment) but "statementing" falls into a category.  There is a phrase of "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all."  My motto is this:  "If what you think you are about to say can't be defined, keep your trap shut."