Absolutely not Jude..those little bastards are not going to win.

As the air gets warmer and days get longer, the rivalry seems to be renewed between Ching and a street gang of...squirrels.  I wish I could say that the word squirrel is a metaphor for something cool or tawdry but it is not.  There are about 4 of them, the size of small cats, that Ching feels have done him wrong.

We have two large trash receptacles--green for recycling and blue for trash.  (Pretty standard in any suburb.)  When we first moved into this house, every morning or so, we noticed these stray blue plastic shavings scattered all over the driveway.  We had no idea where they are coming from until we discovered a small hole on the lid of the trash can that was getting bigger and bigger.  At first we thought it was a big, crazy rabid driven raccoon..oh, but, no..it's a gang of squirrels.  Ching thought it was ridiculous that a puffy tailed rodent could do this much damage.  Ching shifted his weight, hiked up his pants and told me not to worry..he could handle this.  (Oh Christ..)

Ching first started with thick grey electrical tape..(really? They ate through plastic).  When the tape was absolutely shredded, Ching bought thin pieces of metal called flashing.  He layered the flashing and tape over the hole.  The next morning, not only was the tape shredded, again, but the flashing has been bent back as if the squirrels had Hulk like strength.

Ladies..I know what you are thinking.  "Ching why don't you just move the trash receptacles into the garage?"  That was my suggestion but Ching refused saying that those little rodent bastards were not going to make a fool out of him.  (Too late, dude.)

So at night, while we were in bed, we could hear the late night parties.  The cover of the receptacle tipping up and banging down.  The laughter.."Ching you may have an MBA from Wharton but you can't stop us..we love your trash and we will eat it all night long."

JCW: Ching--it is late and I can't get to sleep--that trash is going into the garage.
CCW: Absolutely not Jude..those little bastards are not going to win.
JCW: Ching--it sounds like they are winning.

One morning, I had enough.  I look out our bedroom window (which is over the driveway). There is a squirrel in our driveway, upon it's hind legs with a piece of trash in one paw and the other paw is up, defiantly, like it's flipping the Wangs off.  But the gesture is not what upsets me..there is something familiar and white in the center of the cul-de-sac..I immediately know what it is.  It used to belong to me.  I am not going to tell you what this humiliating piece of trash is but if you are a mother, who has given birth naturally and now run..you know what I am referring to.

Ching then drilled the flashing with screws, not tape, to cover the holes. But still blue shavings show up every now and then..

Since he didn't do what I asked (of using the garage) after my "trash" was in the cul-de-sac, I have taken the squirrels side.  Every so often I will write Ching a note filled with obscenities signed "The Squirrels".  Holiday cards come to our house and a random thank you note is something juicy has been thrown away.

But Ching will not cave...so the war rages on...