It's closed for business...

(First off, I was asked the question today if Ching's last name is hyphenated like mine..it is not.  His initials stand for his first, middle and last names while my initials stand for my first and hyphenated last name.)


Let me set the scene..it is Thursday night at 10:56.  I'm in bed.  My head is about to hit the pillow in a blissful Ambien haze.  Ching is also settling into bed.  We have a king-sized bed,  I sleep on the left, Ching on the right--plenty of room in the middle-no need to touch.  You know how I feel about people?  I feel the same way about touching.  It's a miracle that Laurel and Rachel are here.  Speaking of which...
JCW:  "Why are you so close?"
CCW:  "Oh, I don't know"  (He says this coyly as his foot grazes my leg.)
JCW:  (Oh Christ)  "Ching, it's late, I'm tired, have a headache and my period.  (No one can ever accuse me of not being thorough.)
CCW: "It's not that.."
JCW: (Great!)
CCW: "Don't you think we should have a third baby?"
JCW: "WHAT??!!"  Are you freakin' kidding me?  (I didn't use the word freakin')
CCW:  Our kids are so cute and maybe...
JCW:  (Cute?  He is basing the impulse on cute?  I know I give good uterus but it's closed for business. Come on!!  Stay calm--breathe in through your nose)  Yes, the girls are beautiful but do you remember last February/March when we were all constantly sick and how hard that was?  And then there would be the additional child care expense.  Would you want me to stay home? (Yeah, I can be coy too)
CCW:  "No, I don't want you to say home and yes, I remember last winter.  It's just that they are getting so big, so fast..anyway..good night.

Crisis averted.  (Good job JCW, hit him right in the budget spreadsheet) But he is really going to sleep right now??  Does he think I am going to be able to sleep now that he dropped that bomb on me?  My "head hit the pillow" stage is totally shot to shit.

Is this in the back of his mind?  Does he truly remember how hard last February and March were?  Each day was a new combination of constant sickness, doubting the other's parental abilities, and thick silent judgement. Some days I thought I would come home with 50% of the assets on the front lawn.

Two is enough for me. Most days go smoothly--but it's a balancing act and such a fine line between working with a full deck of cards or 49.  A third child would totally put me a constant 49 cards.  Could you imagine what the morning routine would be with three kids?  Jesus Christ, I would definitely forget my pants.  (Reference Blog from 12/19)

This sounds terrible (but it hasn't stopped me before) but babies aren't my thing.  I can't tell what they need.  With Laurel, I attributed it to being a first time mom.  With Rachel, I came to grips with the fact that I don't like babies.  I needed confirmation or acknowledgement, not just a gas induced smirk.  With Rachel,  I was so frustrated and wanted to know what she needed.  I was constantly weeping down to my socks while binging on bagels with peanut butter and chocolate chips convincing myself I needed the calories because I had to pump soon.

I went to sleep knowing  we needed to address this again just to confirm two and through was the understanding for the Wangs but I kept one eye open..making sure Ching didn't do any sort of Tic Tac switch-er-roo.  But surprise, surprise after 3 am I didn't have to.  My Rachel had my back..she needed consoling at 3 am.  Or if I knew Rachel..she just wanted to stay the youngest....