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Thursday, July 5, 2012

Rather than a cozy outfit for their kid, they may just want you to listen.

I found this letter today.  When Laurel was five months old, I had a colleague about to give birth.  I wanted to tell her everything, prepare her for things that I didn't know.  Looking at this letter six years later shocked me.  As a new mom, I needed to share but didn't have an outlet..no essays or blogs.  This letter (to my colleague) was a temporary outlet.  As I show you this letter from August of 2006, please keep in mind that I didn't erase anything.  (Good Lord, JCW in love?)

The lesson for the day is this...if you know a new or an expectant mom, please let them tell you their story.  Rather than a cozy outfit for their kid, they may just want you to listen.

Take a look at JCW back in 2006...


Going to the Hospital
Make sure you cut your fingernails down to the nub..I felt like I was going to scratch Laurel.  Also, they show you this trick when calming her down (I will show you) that uses your pinky.   I thought my fingernail was going to jab her mouth.
I kind of wish I had a little make-up..I know, so useless but there were a lot of pictures taken!

At the Hospital
I was shocked about a couple of things that were so uncomfortable:
            1.  Checking Cervix Dialation—holy crap it hurt and it’s not quick
            2.  Getting all the fluid out /firming up the uterus—it took a long time for me, but they do press down on your stomach to squeeze it out.

Epidural
            First of all, I wanted to French kiss the guy who administered this—apparently that is a common reaction.
            I thought the process was really quick—it’s not.  I could not sit up due to contractions, one after the other.  They had me lie there curled up (like a shrimp).  They had to wait until I was contraction free to put the needle in and to connect the epidural goodness—two separate things.  I thought it was one fell swoop.  Once it was in, it was very precise.   They checked the placement by putting ice packs on my hips and legs.  Some I could feel and some I could not.  All I could feel was pressure but I could feel every contraction and feel myself push.  Some women have said they didn’t feel like they had control but I totally did.
            If there is ever a time that I feel mentally or physically weak, I remember the moment she came out (which is a very strange feeling—no pain, but weird).  I felt like I could have lifted up a car.  Ching said that I pushed like a champ..honestly, I think I could have gotten a second push gift. 
            They don’t want the needle to move in your back so they tape you up like a mummy.  When they took off the tape, they joked that they were waxing my back.

Hospital Stay
All the staff wants to hug you which I hated.

Take stuff from the room when you leave—it’s there for you to take.  We took a couple of receiving blankets (because that size was the size we used when we learned how to swaddle) and the large bed pads that they kept under me while I was in bed after I gave birth in case I leaked.  Those pads are great to keep on your counter when you bathe your baby.

Aftermath
These are some of the things I felt after I gave birth:
            I wanted to tell everyone my experience.  I was strong; I felt great and I wanted to share.
            I really appreciated the situation I was in with Ching.  I have a great guy, financial stability, supportive friends, family and work environment.  Both of us were mature and not surprised with this situation.  I couldn’t imagine being able to do this without any one of these things.
            I fell in love with Ching again—and obviously became a sap.  But he was so great with me and loves his little girl.
            I was ready for #2.  Selfishly I want a second child so I can appreciate the first part more since I will know now what I am doing.

Breastfeeding
            It’s okay to stick with breast feeding for any other reason other than nourishing your child—it’s pretty tough so any motivator is good.
            My milk didn’t drop down until Thursday (she was born on Sunday).  When it happened, I didn’t know what was going on.  It was very reminiscent of the time when I was 12 and got my first period.  While I knew it was going to happen and was educated on the topic, when it actually occurred, I freaked out.  Ching’s reaction was “I don’t know what’s going on but you have got to have milk in there because you are huge.”  Nice
            Your boobs become completely functional—there is no turn on anymore.  When I started feeding Laurel, the lactation consultant recommended massaging them before she latched on so the flow would start.  I would be hanging out (really hanging out) and Ching is helping with the massage part.  He was treating my boob like a shoulder. I had to tell him to take it easy.  But it does make you chuckle that just a few months before you wouldn’t have caught me just sitting on my couch with my girls hanging out.
            I have only breastfed in public once—that was on a plane.  While I had an aisle seat, I hung a receiving blanket over my shoulder to hide “what was going on”.  It was fine.

Depression
            I was on Prozac from week 22 up to and after her birth.  Post partum didn’t really hit me.  I was very weepy around the time she was re-hospitalized because I felt like it was my fault.
            But here are some things that could have thrown me for a loop but thankfully didn’t:
            My girlie parts felt terrible for 4 days after birth.
            I was overwhelmed knowing that I would never sleep late again.
            My stomach still looked like I was a good 5 months pregnant for a couple of weeks.

Sex
Couple of random things—if your man actually wants it during the first 8 weeks of baby’s life, he is not working hard enough.  Both of you will be too tired.
It’s very weird to all of a sudden to not want to get pregnant after many months of either wanting to be pregnant or being pregnant.

Gifts
            Never feel guilty about taking gifts from people.  They are so happy for you and think about all the gifts you have given in the past.
Diapers
Stage 1 and Newborn are very different in size.

Always buy in bulk.  You can google diaper and wipe specials.  Amazon has a lot of specials and you can have them shipped for free.  (It’s called super saver shipping)

Learn Children’s Songs-if you don’t have a toy or book handy, songs always work.—my favorites are:
This Old Man
Old MacDonald (dog, cat, pig, horse, sheep, chickens and ducks)
Doe a Deer (from Sound of Music)
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Itsy Bitsy Spider
When I didn’t know the word, I would google the title.

Detergent
Dreft is expensive—Use baby All.  It’s half the price.  I mainly do Laurel’s laundry separate because I like the smell.

Travel
For car rides over 3 hours and plane rides, we gave Laurel a small bit of Benedryl.  She was 5 months at the time.
When renting a car, do not use their car seat.  The tend to be on the bigger side (for toddlers) and they charge you $9 a day.  For an 8 day trip, it cost $72.  We should have just bought one at our destination.

Maternity Leave
Don’t feel guilty if you want to come back to work.  I needed adult socialization and I feel like I am a better mom to my girl.

Annoyances
            I cannot tell you how many times, people called me telling me to get more rest.  Well I could have if they hadn’t woken me up with the phone call.

Thank God I have my blog...





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