My voice reaches an octave that I usually only hear when Ching sees a spider

God damn--it's April 2nd! I have neglected my friend AGAIN!  Why is it that I have the most random crap from 1984 still lodged in my brain but I can't remember a simple Amex payment by the 28th each month?  Amex has always treated me so well.  Back in 1997 when we made acquaintances, he taught me how to only charge something that I had to pay off at the end of the month--no balances, no interest.  As long as I didn't go over my personal limit, we remained close.  Treats here and there made me feel like a princess.

And the customer service...holy shit..totally boss.  They treat me with the admiration like I just put a homemade dinner in front of them rather than those little Wangs.  The last time that I called the 1-800 line to hear a little woo, I was greedy and I pushed it too far.

There was a purpose to my call.  There was this weird ass charge that I didn't make and I called to dispute it.  But rather than just hang up after they told me that they would take care of it and gave me a confirm, I stayed on because I knew what is coming next:

Amex:  Ms. Carlson-Wang, we really appreciate your business and your loyalty.  (You know this would work Rachel!)  Have you thought about upgrading to a Gold Card?  We believe that you could really benefit.
JCW:  (Go on--Thank God I didn't know a boy like Amex in high school.)
Amex:  We notice that you just booked a flight to Las Vegas.  You know, when you have a Gold Card, you have free access to all of the airline lounges.
JCW:  (Thank you for looking past the fact that the majority of my purchases are at Target, Carters and Diapers.com.  You know that they don't serve apple juice in the lounges.  Certain body parts will become tight and firm before they let my girls and me into a nice airport lounge.)
Amex:  We also offer an exclusive feature to get tickets and priority reservations.
JCW: (Yeah, that would be..awesome.  The Wangs haven't been on a good date since 2005.)
Amex:  And I see that you have made recent purchases at Tory Burch and Tiffany's.  You can earn reward points with purchases like that and we give you extra points on premium retailers so you can treat yourself later.
JCW:  (Thank you for cherry picking my coolest purchases out of the sea of Sunoco, Hanes her Way, and the occasional visit to my liquor store.)
Amex:  If you upgrade to Gold, you will get 25000 points.
(Hang up JCW..the bar is closing.  Don't go for any more. The bar is closing!!)
Amex:  You can use the points for purchase or toward the $450 annual fee.
JCW:  FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS! (My voice reaches an octave that I usually only hear when Ching sees a spider)
Amex: Yes..
(It gets awkward..oh crap..)

And the woo is over..I now feel cheap..like a booty call attempt that went very very bad..but give it six months..then give them a shout again.. Chin up JCW!