This one exposed a nerve and, with shame, turned me into an asshole.

Today I went to work, wearing one brown trouser sock and one black trouser sock.  (I didn't notice until I got home.)  I was told that my knowledge base (at the job that I am doing) ranks 7th on a team of seven.  I bought a panini in the cafeteria...half way in, I bit into a piece of plastic.  Focus!  I come home to my girls, healthy, happy and looking for another snack.

The tragedy that happened in Connecticut has affected more than I expected.  With embarrassment, I am numb to most school shootings.  This one exposed a nerve and, with shame, turned me into an asshole.  I am walking around sullen and closed off to anyone.  I also want to point blame.  But this solves absolutely nothing.

• No...I don't know what the shooter's mom went through prior to December 14th.  I shouldn't judge and point blame.
• No...I don't know of the personal hell that must have gone through the shooter's mind to carry this act out.
• Guns?  Not the sole issue but it is easy to place that blame and want to ban.

I have also been obsessed trying to get more information...reading facts and speculation.  Agitated, I try to find filler in People.com just to get more agitated by crap that doesn't matter at the moment.  (Kelly Clarkson got engaged.  Girl, after all those bitter boy songs you settle for a guy that gives you a ring that looks like it's from Liberace's estate collection? C'mon!)

I just want an answer.  But it will be a long time for any answers. Right now, I need to focus on six educators that remind me of past colleagues of my mom.  Each one of the 20 children look like a friend of Laurel.  I just hope they are in a good place.

I am blessed and I need to concentrate on that...even if one of the blessings, yells, "I pooped!" as we are about to sit down to dinner.