Because I can't turn the clock back, God help me, I entertain the thought of having another child.

I have to remember that this moment is fleeting and I need to be strong and push through.

With Rachel pretty much out of diapers, I am a little sad that there isn't a little person just toddling around.  She is getting bigger and bigger and now, just a little girl.  There isn't really any baby to her anymore except a slight hint of fat in her cheeks.

This is the point when I want to turn back time and re-appreciate the moments of joy and discovery. Because I can't turn the clock back, God help me, I entertain the thought of having another child.  With two out of the baby stage, I am sure I would be better in knowing what to do with a third--practically second nature.

But Jesus Christ, if I can't handle the thought of a dog joining our family, I am sure another Wang would put me over the edge.  Physically, I do feel a little older.  When I was pregnant with Rachel at 38, I truly thought my knees were going to turn to jelly.  And I honestly think my nipples would fall off with a third.

I also have to remind myself that I am awful with babies--in their first year, I probably enjoy about 20 hours--these are those brief naps when the baby sleeps on my chest.  Just 20 hours--there are 8,740 more--hours that I don't know what I am doing, hours that I am all alone in the middle of the night with an infant who will not sleep, hours that I am dealing with blowouts, hours when I am just trying to get her to latch on.

I am quite lucky that babies aren't born at 12 months and sleeping through the night.  I would probably have a litter of kids.

Right now I tell myself to focus on the here and the now.  Rachel's new found independence, her love for telling people that she goes to the airport every weekend (she doesn't) and her silly ways like talking softly so you lean in and then her yelling "mooga, mooga, mooga" as if she is a monster.

I am sure as hell not going to tell Ching my fleeting thought.  I would have to sleep with one eye open to make sure he doesn't get too close.  And if anything did happen, I would still have to sleep with one eye open because if I made Rachel the middle child, she would be pissed.