There is a reason why I don't like answering the phone...

I don't like answering the phone.  This may seem incredibly odd to some since my job revolves around the phone (but I push through).  While I am at home, I don't like answering the home phone because one of three people are on the other end:  a telemarketer, an in-law with whom I have to make incredibly awkward conversation while racing to get Ching on the phone or this:

(The caller ID pops up on the television--it says Kevin Krise.  I know no one of this name.)
JCW:  "Hello?" I have a very pleasant hello, calming yet inviting, totally goes against the grain.
KK:  "Taylor's Mom?"
JCW:  Well hello to you too.  "I believe you have the wrong number." Funny how I will give a total stranger the benefit of the doubt when I know with every breath in my body that he is wrong and I am write.  Believe, Schmelieve.
KK:  "I am looking for Taylor's mom?"
JCW:  Dude, I get that.  "You have the wrong number."
KK:  "You don't have a daughter named Taylor?"
JCW:  This is where I get pissed BECAUSE I actually doubt my own sanity--Do I have a daughter named Taylor?  No, no, no...it's been a long day, but God damn--I have two daughters, Laurel and Rachel.  And does this guy think that a mother wouldn't own up to her own daughter?  Is she moody and terrible; mean and unkind?  Sounds like I need to shield my girls from this Taylor.  "Again...no, no one by Taylor lives here."
KK:  "Okay"...sounding defeated and skeptical.

Listen KK, like I told the other Wangs...just two kids here, not three like some people want.  Straight to voicemail next time...straight to voicemail....

You know how some people can't wait to take off uncomfortable undergarments as soon as they get home--my filter is my uncomfortable undergarment.

I woke up with the feeling of dread.  All day this event just looming over me like a dark cloud.  Tonight is the Cabot Community Dinner.  It's a back to school dinner that gets parents and kids together with pizza, sweets and a DJ.

First of all, it's on a Tuesday--the worse day of the week.  By Tuesday night, you are elbow deep in your typical weekly crap and the week isn't even half way done.  Secondly, I have no urge to be social and correct.  To be correct means keeping the filter on.  All day at work, I focus and have that filter on but as soon as I get through the door, the filter is off.  You know how some people can't wait to take off uncomfortable undergarments as soon as they get home--my filter is my uncomfortable undergarment.

Ching gets there first because he has volunteered to sell tickets (Slices of pizza, juice boxes and desserts are purchased with tickets.)  I am just going to show up.  For Christ's sake, I have been nice all day.

I don't like these things.  I am okay in smaller classroom settings with parents on either side of me.  But this is a sea of adults and kids and I don't want to walk up to someone and strike up a conversation (and probably say something inappropriate and awkward is the filter isn't on tight enough). Of course the one conversation I will have will be right near the DJ booth and I won't be able to hear a God damn thing.

I am okay with not being friends with other mothers at Laurel's school.  I am okay with this because I have friends, they are just not mothers at this school.  Maybe eventually, when I figure out who Laurel's real bestie is and I will make the effort.  But right now I am friendless at Cabot Elementary and I am okay with that.

So when I get home and change my clothes, I can all ready hear the DJ in the field. I look at the clock and let myself know that this will be over in 90 minutes.

I get there and Laurel wants me to join her on the "dance grass" and do the swing dance.  I just twirl her a bit and then Rachel is like a magnet wanted to twirl too.  With all of twirling going on, this is when a mom comes up to me.  Sure as shit...the one mom that talks to me is right by a speaker.  I think I talked about volunteering on picture day.

Ching is sitting among the ladies selling tickets.  I am somewhat amused but proud at the same time.  There are several woman volunteers and one dude.  That one dude is my man, Mr. Ching Wang.  I am curious how that conversation is going--wondering if it's about activities, new teachers or a lack of focus.  Hearing about other kids and their lack of focus calms him down.

As Rachel wants to spin to the music, I decide that I don't need to talk to anyone....because with this spinning I may throw up.  I notice Laurel dancing and realize that her pants are too small.  I am also question those moves and may have to curb her Katy Perry watching.  And why is she dancing in her socks?  Where the hell are her sneakers?

I look around and notice other parents that are just standing, watching like zombies.  I don't think they want to talk either.  Maybe they also realize, like me, that they have eight more of these dinners in the future until all kids are in junior high.

Before the last song, they announce there is a parents only event on 9/27.  I really don't see myself going to that event either.

Me--again, I like to be alone...

2011 wasn't that bad..I had more highs than lows (only 1 if you don't count the McRib incident).

The low of 2011 was the Wang Family Winter from Hell.  From January 1 until the end of March, I was home 1 day for every 6 work days because of snow, one of the girls was sick or I was sick.  Then there was time that Ching took off from work as well because of the same reasons.  We started to resent each other and assign blame for issues beyond our control.  While we were silent, our thoughts were the same.."did you wash your hands and sanitize?" Eventually the snow melted and we all got healthier.  Kindness was now a part of the household (and our flu shot appointments were made in August.)

I had highs this year but a few stemmed from one event.  I went on a girls trip to Vegas!  Me--again, I like to be alone.  But a friend of mine was turning 40 and I wanted to see her and a few other women that I hadn't seen in ages.  I was willing to take the risk and leave my comfort zone.  Because of this trip, I:
1.  Lost 12 pounds!  There were three basis tips to my weight loss.  I tried an exercise that my body wasn't used to to kick start the metabolism--it was running for me.  Every day at lunch I run for 30 minutes.  My second tip--I brought my lunch to work so I wouldn't get a lunch from the cafe that consisted of a huge amount of cheese, bacon or pepperoni.  Thirdly, I stopped eating my girls' dinner leftovers.  You know a few chicken nuggets here, a remaining cheese stick there could equate to a second dinner!  I had to lose the weight because..
2.  I got rid of my mom jeans!  I am a product of the 80's..jeans should make my butt look huge and flat, the waist high, the zipper about 8 inches long and if I sport a camel toe, so be it.  These new jeans make me look totally different and I feel cool.

I kept telling myself that I was cool even thought I was scared stiff about leaving my family and being around people that I hadn't seen in a very long time.  What if I made a fool of myself?  What if they thought I was annoying?  But I ended up having a great time..didn't throw up or soil myself, wet my pants, or lose a lot of money.  Imagine that..having fun around people.  Perhaps I could expand on that in 2012.

Just Me and My Unspoken Snark

I am a 5:30 mom.  I pick up Laurel from her afterschool program at 5:30.  I make eye contact and smile at the other parents who are doing the same pick up routine but rarely will I strike up a conversation.  (Honestly this isn't my thing..I don't really like people--we will save that topic for later.)  There is no time to do so and the other parents seem to have the same look that I have..frazzled from the traffic, rushing like a bat out of hell, perhaps picking up another child from a different location and thinking about what to make for dinner, etc.

Then one day I picked her up at 12:30.  It was a special day of just Laurel and me, going to lunch and a little holiday shopping.  When you get to the school, you have to wait outside until the children are dismissed.  At 12:30, the teachers walk them to the door to meet their parents outside. So I get to the school and there are all sorts of moms there, "chatting" and being friendly.  I was totally out of my element.  There was one mom and small child that arrived on a tandem bike.  Apparently her kindergartner is riding a bike home with her mom and sibling.  My kid is riding in a car.  The mom hands the sibling a nutritious snack of an apple as she waits.  I have fruit snacks for my kid--full of sugar.  Then the mom (who has this fishtail braid down to her ass--holy God, that needs to be cut) sits down and starts knitting.  Are you kidding me?  The conversation that I can hear between the moms is about advent calenders and knitted mittens. They were so relaxed and not at all frazzled looking.   I was utterly alone..just me and my unspoken snark.

Laurel bursts out of the door, full of joy and extremely social with all of her peers. Regardless of age or classroom, she is talking to everyone.  Sometimes I think she was switched at birth....