Next year, I picture Rachel coming downstairs on Christmas morning screaming, "Where's my loot?" because she is classy like that.

This is the two year anniversary (birth?) of my blog--thank you for reading.  I haven't been as attentive to it as I should be...believe me, I have still have plenty to say just not a lot of time these days.  I can't explain why I am so busy.  I have been more present with my girls...while that means less time in front of the computer, it does mean that I am just gathering more subject matter.

So this elf thing....still don't like it.  Again, the Wang's elf is Mike.  I was purposely late to the game and just started "Mike's watch" this past weekend--I am on Day 5 of situating him prior to going to bed so the girls wake up to see where  and how Mike is waiting for them.  Out of five days, I have woken up during 3 nights realizing that I forgot to take care of that little red shit.  As soon as my alarm goes off, I jet downstairs to make sure Mike is in a new spot.  God, the pressure is killing me and I just started!  Some people started prior to Thanksgiving.

Interestingly, Rachel, the youngest, isn't interested.  She could care less--I think this is Rachel's last year believing in Santa.  Next year, I picture Rachel coming downstairs on Christmas morning screaming, "Where's my loot?" because she is classy like that.

Laurel needs to see where Mike is ...Laurel loves the surprise and truly believes in the fat man in red.  We have another few years of this.  But with this belief, the pressure is on--me, just me.  Ching has never touched Mike.  And that's another thing, Laurel flips out if anyone touches him--it hurts his magic.  I do respect her rule of that little stalker can't land upstairs when she is sleeping.  So Mike is relegated to the first floor or basement.

But then I have found the pressure causes the issue of "Elf Envy" I hear about all of the precarious situations that her friends' elves has gotten into.  What if my "Mike situations" aren't cool or creative?
LAW:  "You know Mackenzie got a gift from her elf."
JCW:  "Yeah, on Christmas.  You will too."
LAW:  "No, she got it yesterday."
JCW:  "Elves don't bring appetizer gifts up to the big day."
LAW:  "It was just a key chain."
JCW:  "Does she have a car too?"
(Sensing my pissiness, Laurel dropped the gift idea.)

For me the sole purpose of the elf was leverage.  Mike was going to watch over my girls to make sure they are good until December 25th.  There are no gifts given prior to this and the situations stress goodness and "kiss assery".  Mike does homework, cleans up and appreciates focus--you know, the Wang way.  You will not find our elf driving the Barbie vette, with Barbie riding shotgun, topless.  Or writing on a wall with a crayon.  Or leaving a trail of chocolate chips like he just poo'ed across the living room.  (Jesus Christ, this would be the only time that Rachel would be interested and I just got her to poo on the potty 5 months ago.)

So, as a parent, if I don't convey discipline, I have Barbie sized elf dressed in felt to do my work.  Yeah, I feel pretty much demoted for the next 14 days.

Politely Walked Away..

As I still digest the happenings of Christmas season present, I thought I would entertain you with the happenings of Christmas past.  Ching and I try to spend an equal amount of time between his family and mine.  Last Christmas, we were in Ohio with his aunt and uncle (and their children).  His Aunt Angela and Uncle Ming-Luh (pronounced Loo) are the closest he has to parents and their daughters are as close as he is going to get to having sisters.

It is always hard to spent Christmas away from your own family because other families tend to have normal routines that an outsider would label as quirky like using potato flakes rather than real potatoes.  (I offered to peel potatoes several times)..All the Caucasian spouses (Lisa's husband, Debbie's husband and me) not only wonder what traditional dishes are going to be served in between the Chinese ones but also where the hell was the liquor?..Ching's family aren't really drinkers.

I have always gotten along with Lisa and Debbie, the only Ivy League educated stay-at-home moms that I know, but last year, there were several instances when I just had to politely walk away.  Like Debbie asking if we would like to contribute $250 to Angela and Ming-Luh's Christmas gift.  Apparently they wanted to give them an Ipad.  While it was pricey, we agreed to contribute and were there when it was given.  A+M were grateful but less than enthused.  It went unopened for 3 days.  They had no urge to use it.  Debbie didn't find out if it was a gift that they would use before we all chipped in.  Really?!  I politely walked away.  Strike 1 for Debbie....

Now Lisa....Ching talks to Lisa a little more than Debbie.  Lisa and Ching went to college in Boston at the same time (he at BC, she at Harvard)  Since I am on Facebook, I thought it would be another way to stay connected. I asked her if she was on Facebook..she told me that she didn't have time.  Lisa is a stay at home mom with a live in nanny that cooks for them.  Apparently I have plenty of time...I didn't say anything and politely walked away.  Strike 1 for Lisa...

(The stay gave me such a headache.  I wasn't sure if I had a headache because I was keeping in my snark or that I wasn't drinking what they were offering as coffee.  They drink Taster's Choice..you know, the instant coffee with iridescent flakes.  I am not a coffee snob (I would suck on the bean if I had to) but that stuff takes like crap...)

And that leads me to Angela.  She loves Ching and has been very nice to me but Holy God!  I wear a size 8.5 shoe!  My foot is not going to fit into your size 7 used flip flop sandals with the big Boca rhinestones.  No matter how much you don't want to waste them..find someone else because I can't wear them.  If you ask me on Sunday and they don't fit, they are not going to fit on Tuesday.  Mild strike #1 for Angela..

But strike #2 was the be all, end all.  Angela told me that I should have Rachel (who was 5 months old at the time) sleep on her stomach because her face is very round.  Sleeping on her stomach would elongate her face because apparently long faces are better than round ones.  Holy Crap..first of all, Angela--have you met my husband, your nephew?  His face is the definition of round..secondly HOLY CRAP!  Ching heard this and chuckled uncomfortably.  I held back and politely walked away.

I counted down the days until I could come home.  But it is quite possible that Ching was counting down the days this year...

Nice Jude/Naughty Jude (That's a candy cane!)

Because it is Christmas Eve, I do want to recognize the gifts that I am given everyday in regards to my family.  My girls are happy and healthy and my man, Ching is supportive and kind.  When he asked what I wanted for Christmas, I told him that I truly had enough.  Merry Christmas.

Now to balance things out, I do have to tell you another story that solidifies my entry of mother of the year.  Last Sunday, Laurel and I were making Christmas cookies.  I asked her to pick out a cookie cutter.
L:  "I am going to use the J first."
J:  "What J?
L:  "This one.  You know, J is for Jesus, right?"
J:  (Because my filter isn't on).."Oh Laurel, that isn't a J, it's a candy cane!
L:  "Oh.."
Oh Christ (damn, strike #2..sorry.) I just crushed my kid's religious belief with my own heathen ways. What if she wants to study the Philosophy of Religion, or Theology or become a nun? (that last one is a stretch)  Quickly I try to recoup.
J:  "Laurel, I think it's a great thought because Christmas is Jesus Christ's birthday."
Of course, I still felt guilty so I let her use all the frosting that she wanted with the sprinkles, chocolate chips and marshmallows.  If you see our cookie tray, please compliment the J's, but they are absolutely not candy canes.

The whole idea has a creepy-stalker-tattling feel..

That freakin' elf is driving me nuts (no, not that person.)  It is Elf on the Shelf that is driving me insane. As if I (or any parent) don't have enough on their plate during this time of year to remember to move it every night.

In case you are not familiar with the Elf, let me explain.  It is a little boy elf doll about the size of a Barbie Doll.  A child believes that every night he zips up to the North Pole to report to Santa if they were good during the day.  Basically, he is a narc and he is teaching kids that it is all right to snitch.  When he returns (from the North) during the night, he finds a new spot to sit.  There lies the responsibility of the parent to find a "new spot" for this elf.  In the new spot he is there to watch you..all day with his big freakin' eyes..until the next trip to the north.

First of all, Laurel sleeps with her bedroom light on and hates bugs.  For some reason, she is okay with the thought of an elf prowler flying in and out of the house.  The whole idea has a creepy-stalker-tattling feel to it.  (Oh, by the way, our elf's name is Mike.  Very generic..apparently having parents named Ching and Jude makes her choices very plain.)

Secondly, she is an early riser and the first thing she does is look for this elf so if I forget to move it during the previous night, I am screwed.  What Elf on the Shelf has taught me is how to be quick and lie as convincingly as possible.  Thanks Mike..I already know my limits as a mom..you just helped me put another notch on the belt of awesome motherhood.  This morning Laurel noticed that Mike didn't move from his previous spot so I lied and told her that Daddy was up late, watching the Boise St/ASU game.  Because Daddy was up, Mike
didn't feel comfortable flying in front of him.  I told her it was very likely that Mike will make a special trip while she is at school.  As soon as I tell that lie, I have to haul ass upstairs to speak to Ching before he greets Laurel.  We have to make sure our stories are straight.

I know I just a few years of Laurel's belief (until she turns into a cynic like me).  Perhaps I will miss her innocent wonder down the road, but right now, not so much. Actually now that I think about it, Mike may disappear and I will lie about him just staying "up North."  Look who has the upper hand now..

(Merry Night before The Night Before Christmas..Laurel loves this day.)

I wasn't naughty but not exactly nice...

Dear Santa,
I haven't been naughty this year but perhaps there were instances of not being that nice.  But I'm still hoping that you could help me out with few Christmas wishes:
1.  Laurel's palette needs to expand.  I don't know if I can take another year of rotating angel hair pasta, macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets and the occasional grilled cheese at dinnertime.
2.  Serenity during my morning drive/commute would be nice.  I need to stop gauging my day by how many times I use my horn in the morning (less horn, better day) and letting people know they are #1.
3.  Could Rachel stop looking at me with such disgust?  I expected this look at 16, not 16 months.  I swear when her verbal skills advance she is going to refer to me as her ol' lady instead of mommy.
4.  Laurel needs to start sleeping later on the weekends.  Really, 6:30?
5.  Rachel needs some hair.  If one more idiot refers to her as little fella (while she is dressed in pink), I will call them a dumbass and the eyeroll will be blatent.  (Not my normal style of behind their back).

(PS--I would suggest updating your look.  The red is nice but the beard?  You sure about that? When I was a kid, beards scared the shit out of me. Perhaps that is why some many kids cry in your lap?  Anyway, just a
thought.)

Happy Holidays!