Position Wanted: A capable, eloquent person to tell me where the hell my time is going? (It slips through my freakin' fingers like sand.) Must be able to see gaps of time that could be utilized more efficiently. (I am willing to multi-task) Past drill sargent experience preferred. (You may have to kick me in the ass to get out of bed a little more quickly.) Be prepared for a family environment-1 husband, 2 young children but no pets. I would like to see time-spent habits on a spreadsheet. (Because living with Ching Wang has made me spreadsheet dependent too.) Consider this a temporary position. Once I can find an efficient routine, your work will be considered done. (I may not be efficient with my time but I am efficient with my money.)
I am not an equal opportunity employer. You must know what it is like to have children...at all hours of the day--babysitting your nephew doesn't count. You must know what it is like to be married--I don't care if you are presently divorced, widowed or married--you just need to know what it is like to be married to a person who is afraid of empty toilet/paper towel rolls, putting dishes in the dishwasher and making lunches for their children.
And if you don't speak sarcasm or snark, you need not apply.
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