I still do a silent prayer of "Don't say anything stupid. Don't say anything stupid."

As Lady Linda (that's my new name for the GPS) guides me to the home of one of Rachel's classmates, I actually feel quite good about this party.  It seems low key and comfortable.  While I have put on make-up, I feel very comfortable in my jeans, gap T, and my unwashed hair of five days pulled back into a ponytail.  Needless to say, even with my so called ease, I still do a silent prayer of "Don't say anything stupid. Don't say anything stupid."

Rachel and I do arrive with another mother.  Regardless of how relaxed I try to be at these things, why am I always one of the first ones here?  I could look too eager but it is now an excuse to be the first to leave.  Immediately I do try to see if another mom is there that I have been meaning to apologize to for missing her son's birthday party several weeks ago because I couldn't find it.  Luckily she isn't there, so I can put off feeling like an idiot...for now.

The mom of the birthday girl is very nice but has been hiding her pregnancy under a very bulky winter coat over the past several months.  I usually only see her during pick up or drop off. Not only is she not hiding under a coat today but I would be surprised if her boobs be be corralled under a jacket.  Oh Christ...nope, okay, I didn't say that out loud.

Holy shit--gifts?  Why are some people bringing gifts?  The invitation specifically said, "No gifts, please."  I hope the people who brought gifts are either relatives or deemed as morons who don't pay attention.  God damn it--I knew I should have brought flowers for the mom!

As other parent come in, I do make conversation with another dad about the transition from kindergarten to first grade.  Currently his daughter is kindergarten and wanted to know how it was for us.  I talk about Laurel's transition and how her K teacher was so warm and then I diplomatically say that the first grade teacher is not...warm.  Good Job JCW--no mention of being able to freeze ice on that teacher's ass.

Oh, interesting...lesbian couple...don't stare.  Why do I revert to the mind of a pubescent boy? 

Other things..three woman come up to me (separately) to say they realize where they know Rachel from.  Oh shit.  Oh, apparently, it's not that bad.  They recognize her from the Sunday morning music class.  They specifically say that "my husband" must take her.  First of all, the assumption that "my husband" takes her amuses me when I am sitting next to two woman that probably could be members of the LPGA tour.  Secondly, while I do say Rachel enjoys Music and Movement very much, it's not my thing at all.  Oh crap, I have insulted them.  But it's clearly not...(Please refer to "This Guy is a Such a Weirdo, but Holy Crap this is Blog Gold" from 1/29/12)

Another mom of one of Rachel's classmates informs me that she is having a baby too. (Jesus Christ--what's in the water?) Thankfully I didn't blurt out "by a surrogate?" because this woman didn't even look bloated let alone 24 weeks pregnant.  I told her that she looked great and said congratulations...as I sucked in my gut.

Surprisingly, the party goes by quite fast.  And true to form, I am one of the first few to leave.  But I do offer play dates at our home which are genuinely met with enthusiasm.  Okay, JCW, just walk out the door before you say something bad...and holy shit, I do.  Yay!