I don't know how to undo this damage. Bad haircut...just let it grow. Bad lipstick...wash it off. Bad comment to someone...apologize. Bad tattoo...laser.
But this...I have spoiled my kids and I am not sure how to undue the damage. I certainly didn't become a mother with the intent of giving them everything. But I don't want to be blind and say that it just happened. I do remember when it started. It was the day that they were born. Immediately I wanted to give them the world but I wanted them to pay their dues...eventually. I tried to be careful about what I doled out...then I wasn't...and then it snowballed.
Ching was a sucker right away. He is weak. He would go to Target for diapers with Laurel in tow and come home for a toy that Laurel "just had to have". Laurel was very verbal at a very young age. At that point I knew it couldn't be the bad cop...if there was one, I got that glorious role.
My girls know what room service is. Birthday parties happen every year. Manicures with pedicures (Laurel only--please give me that) happen on an occasional basis. They do not get excited when go out to eat and they are rewarded for any big task--completion of Russian math semester for Laurel and pooping on the potty for Rachel. This is reminiscent of kids who used to get cash in for good grades--$2 for a A, $1 for a B. Back then I thought that was ridiculous for parents to do and now I am one of the parents.
Putting material things aside, Ching and I still force feed activities/play dates to our girls. We don't let them find their way through a Saturday or Sunday--just watching some t.v., playing in dirt and just being bored. We need to let the girls get bored and figure their own Saturday out.
God, I feel like such an idiot. Should I go cold turkey? What would happen if I just started saying no? Is this the time when they should start paying their dues? I need some answers because they are getting older and their tastes are getting very expensive.
Its really hard not to give them too much…just ask my girls what obscene amount of stuff they got for Christmas. But, it does get easier to say no over time when you realize they have no need and you have no space for the piece of junk they want. One thing I am good at is letting my girls just hang on the weekends. If they ask to have someone over I am happy to accommodate, but only occasionally instigate the thing myself. This is partly because we go way to much and I play the role of a taxi driver on the weekend and partly because I really believe they just need some down time. Good luck.
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