Dude, there is no way that she wanted you to buy a 5 lb. container of cashews or Hormel Chili

Happy Mother's Day--Just going to say that I am feeling a little bit of pressure with this entry..

I got a lot of help this weekend:  some nice dinners, paper flowers and some beaded jewelry.  There were some things that I had to do myself..the laundry so it actually got put away and the grocery shopping so we had actual food in the house.  (As I went to the grocery store today, there were so many dads making the trip. With full snark,  I quickly looked in their carts. Dude, there is no way that she wanted you to buy a 5 lb. container of cashews or Hormel Chili--that shit is gross.  Any fruit of veggies in there?--nope..)

Anyway, rather than take today and write about another motherhood tale or talk about my own mom..I thought I would talk about another maternal figure...Ching's grandmother. Her name was Yu-Chen Wang.

Ching's grandmother took the role of his mother when he was very young.  Ching's mother passed when he was a few weeks old and at 62,Yu-Chen, assumed the role of mom.  Can you imagine?  At 62, she had all ready raised six children to adulthood.  She was a grandmother.  Four out of six of her children were living in the United States.   Now her son, Ching's dad, wanted to give Ching the opportunity of living in the United States. They all agreed that the quality of life would be better in the U.S.   He left to get a job and a place to live (for his parents, himself and Ching) but, in finding that opportunity, had to leave Ching with his parents in Taiwan.  This couple, in their mid-60's, are now new parents to an infant.  Holy Cripe...

Ching and his grandparents came to the United States when he was two.  They were an extended family until Ching came to Boston to go to college.  But it was Yu-Chen that got him to eat more when he wanted to leave the table to play.  It was Yu-Chen that feared for his safety when he wanted to play football in high school.  And it was here that taught him the word that Laurel knows quite well:  focus.

By the time that I met Yu-Chen, I was well aware of the above stories.  While I was told she was a tad demanding, I found this surprisingly comforting.  I am demanding.  AND Ching seemed very comfortable around outspoken, strong women..another good trait.

I can't put into words how scared I was to meet her.  I wanted to be okay for her Ching.  There was also the fact that she was now in a nursing home and needed to be fed.  The role reversal squicked me out a bit.  And she spoke no English.  Since I spoke no Chinese, I told Ching to not leave my side when we went to visit.  (The nursing home was not a place where I could get a glass of white wine and mingle.)  I met Yu-Chen and immediately I was kicking myself because I didn't bring flowers.  Ching said it wasn't necessary and the sweet potato was enough. (I had no idea what he meant.)  And I met her, made eye contact and said hello..she kind of dismissed me.  I was afraid that she wanted Ching to be with a Chinese woman. Honestly, my "whiteness" seemed to glow.  Ching immediately said to her "Isn't my girlfriend pretty?"..and then translated it to Chinese.  She spat out something..which Ching translated to, "Yeah, she is young.."  Holy crap..that is full blown snark...she is one of my peeps!

Not only did I feel like I had bonded without a direct word.  But I watched my man feed her a mashed sweet potato.  Apparently this was her favorite and Ching told her that we had prepared it for her. Watching this, I immediately wanted to ingratiate myself to this woman.  I did what ever I could do to help.  Frequently, when several family members were together, there was an expedition out to a Chinese restaurant.  Everyone would help in some sort of way when transporting her to the restaurant, I was right there offering what I could.  Usually, I was given the task to carry her false teeth in a clear plastic container.  That's right..I carried them and was proud to do it.

While we were planning our wedding, Ching had a terrible sense of guilt.  We were getting married in Maine and since she was in Minnesota, he knew that she couldn't attend.  Not a problem..we would have a separate ceremony with her..With a whole heart, I was very happy we could do this with her.

After we got married, I started to take Chinese classes at Harvard Extension.  It was so time consuming..not hard but it took several hours of prep each week for each 3 hour class that were held twice a week.  I thought I was making progress when I saw Yu-Chen at Thanksgiving.  I kept saying Happy Thanksgiving to her and she nodded and smiled.  (Maybe, the smile was a stretch.) Obviously, Thanksgiving is not an international holiday so the translation to another language seems odd.  When you say Happy Thanksgiving in Chinese--you are actually saying Happy Fire Chicken since a turkey, with the plumage, looks on fire.  Of course, what I was saying was "Fire Chicken..Happy."  I couldn't even get the right order.  I didn't realize my mistake until I got back to class, the Monday after the holiday.  Son of a bitch..

She passed away in May of 2004.  Every time Rachel is stubborn and flashes a devious smile, Ching knows that she is still with him.  Happy Mother's Day Yu-Chen.  Thank you..