Stare her down..she is not the boss of you

Last night was a weird night..just a quick snapshot of some exchanges between my best girls and me..

Laurel:  Mom I need $5 for the Valentine's Day Boutique.
JCW:  You just want me to hand over $5?
Laurel:  It is going to charity.  We have a lot of money and this goes to people who don't.
JCW:  First of all, I was unaware that your name of was on the checking account.  Secondly, we don't have "a lot" of money.
Laurel:  I just need $5.  Not a big deal--it's just like a one dollar bill but it has a five on it.
JCW: (Holy shit..good one Laurel.  She IS mine!)

Rachel: (first thud in the trash)
JCW:  Rachel, Daddy's shoes do not belong in the trash
Rachel: (staring me down, indifference exuding out of every pore...second thud in the trash)
JCW:  No Rachel.  Can you take those out of the trash? (Totally fruitless request)
Rachel: (Stares at me.  Looks in the trash. Looks back at me)
JCW: (Stare her down..she is not the boss of you..keep staring, you can win this)
Rachel: (After seven seconds, she walks away but doesn't touch the shoes)
JCW:  (As I get the shoes out of the trash) I win..I will take this victory.

Laurel: (shouting from the bathroom)  I am using soap this time!!
JCW:  (What??)I thought you used soap every time..
Laurel:  Oh, yeah...I do..I just meant two pumps this time.
JCW: (As I look at the things Laurel has just touched prior to using soap and reach for disinfecting wipes..)

Laurel:  Mom, my friend Ava said that I have blue highlights in my hair.
JCW:  No, you don't.
Laurel:  Ava is in first grade..she would know.
JCW: Ava is on crack.
Laurel:  What Mom?
JCW:  I said that Ava is full of crap.  (Bad, bad mother!!)

This is a reason why mom's drink..their lives mirror those crappy anecdote pages of Reader's Digest.