Let me back up and talk about my teeth and my love of the dentist. I have very hard teeth, therefore only one cavity..ever. Not because of stellar brushing or flossing, just hard teeth. (It wasn't all roses and sunshine, I had a massive overbite. While I never tried, I swear I didn't need a bottle opener. And again this is in the mid-80's..perfect hat trick of teenage awkwardness, a mullet and an overbite.) Looking at Laurel and the way she smiles, I believe she is going to be blessed with that awesome overbite prior to any orthodontics. I was also hoping for the hard teeth gene but I think she is more like Ching in that department. He told me his teeth are soft and his mouth is peppered with fillings.
Even knowing that I probably didn't have a cavity, I still dreaded going to the dentist as a kid. Trying to hold those fluoride trays in my mouths made me throw up once and would always make me queasy on the ride home. Now, I just sit in fear of them hitting a sensitive spot where my gums are receeding. If they do hit it, they have to scrape me off the ceiling.
When the hygienist shuffled me in to the examining area to tell me about Laurel's appointment, my stomach sunk. Meanwhile, Laurel is by the treasure chest getting prizes and do-dads that will clutter Casa Wang--apparently this is where my dental insurance is going. While she told me that her brushing was quite good (Hell, I'll take that), I was asked about her flossing. Unfiltered Jude came out of no where. (Sometimes that bitch needs to be slapped.) When she asked if I helped her with flossing, I fessed up and said no. (What were you thinking UJ?) Technically, I did help her by getting her obscenely expensive dinosaur pick/flossy things. But I will admit, I have been babied by my hygienist. She knows that I have two young kids. Chances that I can go to the bathroom with the door closed is pretty slim so getting to floss..not so much.
I am worried about Laurel's tolerance for pain..she doesn't even wiggle her two loose teeth. (Any regular reader knows my high tolerance so I will blame Ching for that one.) There is cash on the line..what kid doesn't wiggle their teeth? And the noise of the drill. Laurel doesn't like the noise of the hairdryer..holy Christ on crutches..how is she going to tolerate the drill?
They gave me this little flyer about how to prepare the child for this dreadful event which I have scheduled for 3/2. I shouldn't use the words like "pain, hurt, needle, shot, tooth pulled, decay or drill". I have to avoid comments like "Did it hurt? That wasn't so bad! You were so brave! Did you get a shot? Were you afraid?" I am supposed to use positive reinforcement like "You were a great helper and wasn't that fun?" Are you freakin' kidding me? I am seriously afraid that Laurel is going to be in a catatonic state. That is why I am making Ching take her.
Anyone want to buy me a drink next Friday, 3/2?
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