I haven't seen my girls since 8:00 this morning, I haven't eaten since 11:30 and I would like to take a piss.

Last week, Ching declared that Laurel's teacher is "kind of hot."  I met her tonight at the First Grade Open House.  She is attractive but holy cripe, she is like me! And after how she handled the night, I kind of want her to be my new best friend.

Let me set the stage.  (Can you tell that I was pretty fired up on the car ride back to write this?)  The Open House was not an opportunity to meet one on one with the teacher or mingle. (Exactly my kind of event)  It was a brief presentation of the community of first grade with a question and answer period.  The questions were going pretty well:
What if my kid thinks her books are too easy?
How are they grouped in learning levels?
How much independence should I give them?  (I say leave them at the curb and let them find their way to the classroom.)

Fielding the questions are the three first grade teachers:  Laurel's teacher, a male teacher whom you know every kid thinks is cool and funny, and then the young newlywed teacher whom most would consider "nice."

Immediately my attention is on the dude because very rarely do you see a male first grade teacher.  He is so personable with the crowd (but very masculine..like a buffalo.)  I am starting to think I should have tracked Laurel into his class.  (God dammit JCW!) I could care less about the nicey nice teacher.  I keep staring at Laurel's teacher, trying to find Ching's "hot factor."  It was there, perhaps in 2002.

Then, it happens.  After 45 minutes of general, normal questions, there is a lull.  I thought, hoping that we may get out early.  The room was getting very warm with approximately 45 parents jammed into one class; all of us sitting in first grade chairs so our backs hurt while our asses are 3 inches from the ground.  Then this happened:
"May I ask about sending my kids to school with peanuts?"
(Freak me.  Your kid is in the first grade...this was covered in kindergarten.)
The dude tries to appease the mom...classroom specific rules, only sitting at the nut table, etc.
Then she asks, "What about tree nuts?"
(Who is this woman?  I crane my neck and holy crap!  This is the weirdo from my 12/15 entry--you know the one with the fishtail braid down to her ass, knitting mittens for her advent calendar, ready to ride a tandem bike home after her kindergarten daughter is dismissed?)
The dude, again, tries to appease with taking the cautious approach, always.  The nicey nice teacher won't touch this one.
"There are lots of nut butters and then sun butter. I am just not sure what to send."
(Are you kidding me?  There is a Whole Foods within walking distance that practically offers consultative service.  If I had a magic power, it would have been acid shooting eyes.  It is 8:30.  I haven't seen my girls since 8:00 this morning, I haven't eaten since 11:30 and I would like to take a piss.)
Then another mother.."You know sun butter is made out of sunflower seeds.  It is not a nut butter but a seed butter."
(What is happening? All the while, I know that Laurel eats none of this shit..her sandwich of choice is jam on wheat, no crusts.  Help me!!)

And then she does.  Laurel's teacher shuts it down.
-Call the nurse if you have concerns with your child and what you are sending in regards tonuts.  She will ans..
-But..
-Call the nurse..next question.

It may seem harsh to some but not to me.  Laurel's teacher is like me...she will let you have some space but will shut it if time is being wasted.  Prior to this nut fiasco, she had a great sarcastic, a tad self deprecating sense of humor.  My girl is good for this school year.  And if Ching thinks she is kind of hot...I am okay with that.