I will admit that this wasn't the first time but this kick in the head really sunk in and got me mad.

Last night was one of the worst nights I have had as a mother.  It wasn't quite as bad as that first night home with your child...you know, when you are pleading with the sun not to set...but it ranks right up there.  At 12:17, Laurel came into our bedroom to cuddle up but we needed to turn her away.  The night before, Laurel came into our bed.  By the end of the night, Laurel was laying horizontal to Ching and my vertical.  While Ching got Laurel's cute head resting on his chest, I got her feet near my head.  And then I was kicked in the head.  I will admit that this wasn't the first time but this kick in the head really sunk in and got me mad.  She needs to sleep in her own bed!

But at 12:17, turning her away, I feel terrible.  Ching walks her to her room.  (He gets up--he feels guilty about the kick in the head.)  I hear her tell herself not to cry.  I, then, hear her start to cry.  There is a huge difference between a toddler crying in the middle of the night and a 7 year old.  With a toddler, you brush it off as a lesson in self soothing.  But with a 7 year old, I feel like I am doing something so bad.  I also know that Laurel is going to remember this.  I say all these silent prayers for her to get to sleep.  I don't want her to cry and feel like we didn't want her.  (Tonight, I thoroughly stress how much I love her...and I would love her more if she stayed in her own bed.)

I don't know one person who likes not being able to sleep in the middle of the night.  It's so quiet and creepy.  Every creak in a older house with character freaks the shit out of me.  (I need to stop watching Criminal Minds.)

Laurel doesn't get back to sleep for two hours.  I don't sleep at all during these two hours.  This is the time of night that every set of parents become more critical of each other so I fake sleep.  I have no urge to seek comfort in Ching or listen to something that apparently I have done wrong.  So I lay there, hoping she understands.  Also I calculate in my head how much more I should save for Christmas.  If she is like me she may milk this one.

I do believe we are doing this for her own good.  She has to stop sleeping with us.  Days would turn into months, months turn into years and then the future Mr Laurel Wang would find it really awkward to sleep next to Ching.  He will go running into the night as soon as the snoring and gas starts.