I have a feeling that you don't touch paste, do you?

Laurel is not a genius.  She is smart, creative, independent but not a prodigy. Remind me of this when I put some obnoxious post about her academic prowess on Facebook years from now.  (All A's and just 1 B is not all A's!)  But as I go into Laurel's spring parent teacher conference, I am curious if the teacher thinks that I may think Laurel is a genius.  I wonder what she thinks...and then the dueling unspoken thoughts go back and forth.  (The role of Laurel's teacher will be known as "H"--her first name is Heidi.)

JCW:  Just pop your head in casually--stay cool, remain cool.  You're freakin' cool!

H:  Oh great another one...hopefully with this, one I am half way through the list.

JCW:  Okay, bring up Ching's question...put the blame on him and his love of overachievers.  Laurel's lack of 4's on her report card.  All 3's and not a single 4 that would signify an excelled effort and level.  Again, blame him and throw in a CCW fat joke for good measure. Jesus Christ, she didn't even laugh.  Maybe Laurel is right.  You probably never smile!

H:  Of course, that freakin' 4 vs 3 explanation.  I am going to kill the administration for that measuring stick.  Where the hell are they when I have to explain it?

JCW:  If you can only give one subject out of several (subjects) a 4, shouldn't that be stated somewhere on the report?  Whatever, thank you for explaining it to me so I can repeat to my old man.  Gee, that's a nice cashmere wrap sweater.  I thought first grader teachers got down and dirty with the  kids.  I have a feeling that you don't touch paste, do you?

H: I think I have to throw her a bone after that 3 vs. 4.  I do like Laurel.  She is helpful and she isn't shitty like some of these kids in here.  But she does want to just tell you the right answer rather than express what she thinks.  Wow..that screams adolescence psychosis.  You might as well buy her the laxatives now.

JCW:  Enough. I saw your girls dressed in cheer leading outfits--in kindergarten!

H: Look,  I am not going to gush over your daughter.

JCW: God, I just wish you would smile a bit more.  You seem so cold.  I mean, Christ, I am not a hugger but you couldn't even fake a hug, if you tried.

H: Speaking of cold, didn't you send your daughter in here with one a week ago AND a fever?

JCW:  How do I make sure that Laurel has someone "warmer" next year?

H:      Feel free and name a teacher...you will just go on the list of pain in the ass parents.

JCW: I was raised in a faculty/staff room of an elementary school--this isn't my first rodeo.  I know I shouldn't name teachers, just a specified style.

H:      As you wish...

JCW:  Oh, I will....

Well that seemed to go pretty well....