Every now and then, I will have this epiphany that I am actually a mother.

Every now and then, I will have this epiphany that I am actually a mother.  I could be going through the routine of coordinating the timing of dinner while emptying the dishwasher and then it hits me, "Holy Crap!" I am some one's mother!  It is certainly not a surprise how this happened but days to months to years will just roll together.  My routine will just carry forth until I realize that I am making dinner just like my mom did.  How did this happen?  It seems like I was a kid myself just yesterday...fun and fancy-free.  (Actually, I am not sure about fancy-free but I was just responsible for myself.)  Now I am online searching for ways to wash an LL Bean back pack (wash gentle cycle, inside out, line dry), coordinating school clothes shopping while arguing the merits of the difference between being picky at dinner or just liking certain foods. Laurel's argument is that there is a difference.  My argument is that it is the same thing.

Most days, I feel like I am going through the motions and not notice and some mornings I blatantly realize that I am a mom.  And a mom not doing quite that good of a job.  This morning as I am putting Rachel in her car seat, there is an abominable smell.  I asked Rachel if she pooped.  She sure did..and she confirms it with such satisfaction.  (She gets this from Ching...I look at her with jealousy.)  I don't have time to run her back inside, and upstairs because I have to get Laurel to her bus stop.  So I run inside, grab a diaper, wipes and a plastic bag.  As I am driving to Laurel's bus stop, the stink is really packing a punch (also from Ching) and I can't wait until we get to Rachel's daycare.  Also keep in mind that I very rarely take Laurel to her stop and she is doubting every turn I take..."you know, Daddy doesn't go this way."  I find the stop but not without parking my car in the wrong direction of a one way street.  Since it is quiet, I stay there and get Laurel on her bus.  I can't take Rachel's stink anymore so I change her in the back of the CRV...of course about five cars drive by as I am doing this.  But she is clean and I wrapped the diaper in the plastic bag and put it in the back.  (There was no receptacle near and I certainly don't want to litter the fine city of Newton.)

But here is the rub...I forget the diaper and I as I get my hot car at 5:07 there is that epiphany...I am a mom..sometimes good, sometimes shitty.