This is not code for anything. He likes meatloaf and I make lots of it.

I dreaded going home tonight...more than usual.  All day, I told myself not to think about it as I threw myself into my work.  I also ate a sandwich with bacon in it to quell the dread and then to subdue guilt of dreading going home to my girls.  I rushed home in bad traffic and rain to get them both.  I got Rachel and wrestled her into the car seat.  Right now "her thing" is to say she wants to go on the potty.  She has yet to tinkle on the pot but she keeps toying with me and stalling during the times I feel rushed the most.  I fly to get Laurel and get her right at 6:00.  At least I can say she wasn't the last kid there.

And it comes down to this moment...I am so tired.  They are so whiny, hungry but buckled in as we head home.  And I am going home to no help, partnership...I have no back-up.  Ching is in Connecticut for work.  I am alone with them.

I realize that if I did this alone all the time, my kids would be so spoiled.  Tonight, I caved and went through the drive-thru at McDonalds.  (And the Big Mac is sitting in my stomach like a rock.)  I let Rachel bandage her fake wounds on her legs with about 60 band-aids.  We ate dinner in front of the t.v.  I should have given them baths tonight...thankfully, the weather is crisp therefore they are not sweaty.

I also realize how much time I usually spend in the kitchen, making and then cleaning up after dinner.  It's safe in there...nice alone time with my glass of wine while Ching is playing with the girls.  I couldn't use the kitchen as the safe haven tonight and no wine.  (C'mon JCW---it's Tuesday!)

I don't know how single parents do it.  I don't think I could.  And yes, I do tell Ching how much I appreciate him as I make him frequent meatloaves. (This is not code for anything.  He likes meatloaf and I make lots of it.)

I have to stop complaining and get to bed.  Because Ching isn't going to be here during that awesome morning routine.

(Happy Birthday Leusner!)