As a mother to my Laurel and Rachel, I always think of what I need to protect them from..drugs, stupid boys, poles and now, perhaps Facebook.

As a mother to my Laurel and Rachel, I always think of what I need to protect them from..drugs, stupid boys, poles and now, perhaps Facebook.  (And this is what I need to be prepared to say to both...)

Girls, I won't lie to you...I use Facebook.  Part of me is grateful for what Facebook has given me.  I now have a handful of friends that I wasn't in touch with prior to joining Facebook.  This network is the only distribution method I have and use for my blog.  (Laurel--no need to roll your eyes at the blog.)  I like spouting my nuggets of snark and seeing people "like" it.  I also like people appreciating my family pictures.

BUT, with all the rainbows and hearts of Facebook come evils that you need to know about too.

With Facebook, you will become a lurker.  You collect "friends" to see their stuff, THEN you check out their friend list to delve even further into other people's lives, probably from your past.  These are people that you probably ended on bad terms...he didn't call after the hook-up, bitchy college friends that you pledged to say in touch with but you didn't, etc.  You don't want to re-connect, but you just want to lurk, check them out. Are they still attractive?  Married? Maybe using too much sour cream at taco night?

Okay, Facebook check in question:
Does my lurking take up more than 45 minutes a day?  Yes?  Log off!  No?  You are fine...for now.

You will discover that you are mean.  I knew I was mean prior to Facebook but it feels magnified when I see pictures and frequently say,
"God, she is unhealthy (fat)". 
"That kid takes my breath away". 
"If you have a fat bridesmaid, why did you choose that color?"  
Keep in mind, if you react this way to other people's posts...they may think the same about you.  Be prepared for that.

You need to be tolerant.  You will see posts that just go against your grain and annoy the piss out of you.  Election time is the worst, a close second is the fall.  It's hunting season in Maine and some people don't mind showing pictures of gutted deer or moose.  That is their choice...if I don't like it, I can unfriend them--and make sure that I don't look at Facebook at lunch.  I can also unfriend people that constantly post pictures of their mediocre food on a paper plate, constant song lists (like they are a DJ) or "likes" of domestic products...but I don't (unfriend) so I tell myself to shut the hell up.  (I can't wait to see a "like" for Tampax!)

You must remember that this is everyone's social network not just yours.  When you post, randomly*, someone  may find that you are posting directly against them therefore, they will post, in retaliation. Their message will be that this is everyone's social network and your post may be mean, or whatever.  But in their anger..isn't this anyone social network?  Not just their's?  General snark is allowed along with other crap? Please remember that all posts belong on Facebook.  There is a sense of grace that you need to remember.  If you post a status that someone else doesn't like, that is their right.

*Randomly...do not  post in a general, passive way.  If you have an issue with someone else, send them a personal message.  Come on!  Woman up...

I know you are going to become me.  There are going to be times that you want to get something off your chest (albeit, small..again, you are my daughters).  Before you unleash, there are three questions that you need to ask yourself before you post a status:
Do I sound overly sensitive?
Do I sound bat shit crazy?
Do I sound drunky drunk?
If you answer yes to any one of these questions, walk away.

Not everyone wants to be your friend...that's okay.  And again, there are going to be several that you don't want to accept.  It works both ways.

All of this comes down to having a thick skin on this site...it seems friendly, but it is not. Rachel--you can log in tomorrow.  Laurel, perhaps we should wait.