Do you want some of my Poise Pads? (Yeah, I God damn went there...)

Good Lord..what a long day.

Let me tell you about my husband's love of paper towels.  I know, it does sound ridiculous but I swear, if he had an affair, it would be with Rosie, the Quicker Picker Upper Lady.  (For you young kids---In the late 70's, early '80's, the older woman that represented Bounty...was the Quicker Picker Upper, a dowdy woman that could wipe up anything with a Bounty Paper Towel.  As a child, this sounded benign.  As an adult...not so much.)

I have this image of Ching, in a Chinese speaking household in Minnesota, watching daytime TV.  (Think of the late mouth kisser Richard Dawson or uber tan Bob Barker--was this his family's version of the American population?)  Ching, so impressionalbe, saw Rosie on a commercial, wiping up any greasy diner mess.  This really made an impression...)

When our water heater broke and started leaking in 2005, he thought that nine pack of Bounty would save the day.  It didn't...The Wangs now own a Wet-Vac.

If Ching wants to blow his nose with a paper towel, he won't use the whole sheet.  He will rip it, in half and use, only one half.  The other half remains crumpled on the counter.  (What the freakin' hell am I suppose to do with this?)

On Sunday (my birthday, people!), there was something funky with the air handeler in the attic.  It was leaking, in such a minor way.  Ching went up to check, accidently kicked a pipe..but then came back downstairs.  The leaking was then worse than my heaviest of days.  On Sunday morning, Ching went back up into the attic to check.
"Jude---I need all the paper towels that we have!"
"(Oh Ridic!)  Ching, we have 1 roll."
"Are you freakin' kidding me?  You just went grocery shopping and we only have one roll?"
"Look...(it was my 40th b-day and I wasn't going to take any shit)...I go shopping every God damn week..for about 50 weeks in a row, 1 role was just fine.  Do you want some of my Poise Pads?  (Yeah, I God damn went there..,)
"Would you take the girls to get more paper towels?"
"I will.."  (as I rustle up the girls..)
In the attic, Ching used my original role and maybe another half.  I now have five rolls jammed in my pantry.  (Ching realized that paper towels were not the trick to the job.)

Is it bad to have the idea to go to Taiwan and sell paper towels as the next best thing?  I am sure they are past paper towels and, like me, and just like Lysol Wipes.