Ah..with the holidays come that annoying sentimentality that leads to one thing...the tugging of my ovaries. Of course, it's not me that has the pull for another child, it's the other Wangs. Right, I pluralized it--I am being double teamed...by Ching AND Rachel. (Laurel is just staying focused with being the best kid for that elf.) Why does this happen? Let's get it together, people....
Today Ching held a baby girl at some sort of work holiday party. He told me how cute she was and the mom took a picture of the cuteness. Ching hasn't received the picture yet; He is afraid the mom got his number wrong. He has all ready forgotten how hectic the evening is with a baby. Like this mom's making a priority of sending this picture to Ching as she is trying to feed, bathe, settle down and get her daughter to sleep. A picture that reminds Ching how cute a young baby can be. But he also needs to be reminded that a baby is even cuter when they are handed back to it's mother. I must have a heart of stone because I have never seen a baby that gives me the urge to have another. I could be looking at the sweetest baby Jesus swaddled in baby Gucci and I would probably notice the Gucci first.
Then there is Rachel and this recent parent teacher conference incident:
YPT (Younger Preschool Teacher): "Rachel told the class some very good news yesterday."
JCW: I say nothing...I am skeptical.
YPT: "She said that she is going to be a big sister."
JCW: Oh Christ... "Did she try to switch roles--say that Laurel was the little sister and now Rachel is the big sister?" I know the answer. I also hate the look of glee in the teachers' eyes like they are going to get another five years of daycare/pre-school tuition for the possible baby #3.
YPT: "I thought that too but Rachel said that both she and Laurel would be big sisters. I then asked where the baby was. She said the baby was in your belly."
JCW: "Yeah...first of all, that is not happening...ever." And I never told Laurel the baby was in my belly--so incorrect. Laurel's favorite word was uterus when I was pregnant with Rachel. "Secondly, Rachel has expressed that her friends are becoming big sisters. She would like a baby too...And do you think I would make Rachel the middle child?"
If this is a ploy to get a puppy at the holidays, I am leaving...for a long time.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Next year, I picture Rachel coming downstairs on Christmas morning screaming, "Where's my loot?" because she is classy like that.
This is the two year anniversary (birth?) of my blog--thank you for reading. I haven't been as attentive to it as I should be...believe me, I have still have plenty to say just not a lot of time these days. I can't explain why I am so busy. I have been more present with my girls...while that means less time in front of the computer, it does mean that I am just gathering more subject matter.
So this elf thing....still don't like it. Again, the Wang's elf is Mike. I was purposely late to the game and just started "Mike's watch" this past weekend--I am on Day 5 of situating him prior to going to bed so the girls wake up to see where and how Mike is waiting for them. Out of five days, I have woken up during 3 nights realizing that I forgot to take care of that little red shit. As soon as my alarm goes off, I jet downstairs to make sure Mike is in a new spot. God, the pressure is killing me and I just started! Some people started prior to Thanksgiving.
Interestingly, Rachel, the youngest, isn't interested. She could care less--I think this is Rachel's last year believing in Santa. Next year, I picture Rachel coming downstairs on Christmas morning screaming, "Where's my loot?" because she is classy like that.
Laurel needs to see where Mike is ...Laurel loves the surprise and truly believes in the fat man in red. We have another few years of this. But with this belief, the pressure is on--me, just me. Ching has never touched Mike. And that's another thing, Laurel flips out if anyone touches him--it hurts his magic. I do respect her rule of that little stalker can't land upstairs when she is sleeping. So Mike is relegated to the first floor or basement.
But then I have found the pressure causes the issue of "Elf Envy" I hear about all of the precarious situations that her friends' elves has gotten into. What if my "Mike situations" aren't cool or creative?
LAW: "You know Mackenzie got a gift from her elf."
JCW: "Yeah, on Christmas. You will too."
LAW: "No, she got it yesterday."
JCW: "Elves don't bring appetizer gifts up to the big day."
LAW: "It was just a key chain."
JCW: "Does she have a car too?"
(Sensing my pissiness, Laurel dropped the gift idea.)
For me the sole purpose of the elf was leverage. Mike was going to watch over my girls to make sure they are good until December 25th. There are no gifts given prior to this and the situations stress goodness and "kiss assery". Mike does homework, cleans up and appreciates focus--you know, the Wang way. You will not find our elf driving the Barbie vette, with Barbie riding shotgun, topless. Or writing on a wall with a crayon. Or leaving a trail of chocolate chips like he just poo'ed across the living room. (Jesus Christ, this would be the only time that Rachel would be interested and I just got her to poo on the potty 5 months ago.)
So, as a parent, if I don't convey discipline, I have Barbie sized elf dressed in felt to do my work. Yeah, I feel pretty much demoted for the next 14 days.
So this elf thing....still don't like it. Again, the Wang's elf is Mike. I was purposely late to the game and just started "Mike's watch" this past weekend--I am on Day 5 of situating him prior to going to bed so the girls wake up to see where and how Mike is waiting for them. Out of five days, I have woken up during 3 nights realizing that I forgot to take care of that little red shit. As soon as my alarm goes off, I jet downstairs to make sure Mike is in a new spot. God, the pressure is killing me and I just started! Some people started prior to Thanksgiving.
Interestingly, Rachel, the youngest, isn't interested. She could care less--I think this is Rachel's last year believing in Santa. Next year, I picture Rachel coming downstairs on Christmas morning screaming, "Where's my loot?" because she is classy like that.
Laurel needs to see where Mike is ...Laurel loves the surprise and truly believes in the fat man in red. We have another few years of this. But with this belief, the pressure is on--me, just me. Ching has never touched Mike. And that's another thing, Laurel flips out if anyone touches him--it hurts his magic. I do respect her rule of that little stalker can't land upstairs when she is sleeping. So Mike is relegated to the first floor or basement.
But then I have found the pressure causes the issue of "Elf Envy" I hear about all of the precarious situations that her friends' elves has gotten into. What if my "Mike situations" aren't cool or creative?
LAW: "You know Mackenzie got a gift from her elf."
JCW: "Yeah, on Christmas. You will too."
LAW: "No, she got it yesterday."
JCW: "Elves don't bring appetizer gifts up to the big day."
LAW: "It was just a key chain."
JCW: "Does she have a car too?"
(Sensing my pissiness, Laurel dropped the gift idea.)
For me the sole purpose of the elf was leverage. Mike was going to watch over my girls to make sure they are good until December 25th. There are no gifts given prior to this and the situations stress goodness and "kiss assery". Mike does homework, cleans up and appreciates focus--you know, the Wang way. You will not find our elf driving the Barbie vette, with Barbie riding shotgun, topless. Or writing on a wall with a crayon. Or leaving a trail of chocolate chips like he just poo'ed across the living room. (Jesus Christ, this would be the only time that Rachel would be interested and I just got her to poo on the potty 5 months ago.)
So, as a parent, if I don't convey discipline, I have Barbie sized elf dressed in felt to do my work. Yeah, I feel pretty much demoted for the next 14 days.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Make note to self--remind Laurel that her hair is long and it's easy to be pulled. I can see it in Rachel's eyes. She is a grabber.
Oh jeez, it seems to have started in full force this weekend. The girls are at each other like cats. Back and forth--playing separately or nicely one minute and then the next, all hell is breaking loose. Soon I will have to hide the Vaseline supply to make sure they are not rubbing it on their face anticipating a real cat fight. (Make note to self--remind Laurel that her hair is long and it's easy to be pulled. I can see it in Rachel's eyes. She is a grabber.)
Usually they have played together quite well or on their own. But now, I am not sure if it's that Laurel wants more space. Her things can't be touched. And of course Rachel doesn't understand this.
Rachel is marking her territory; making sure that her age and size don't hinder her. She is also more verbal--any injustice, she speaks her mind and then gets in my face. I can hear squabbles in the next room and then those little feet, stomping to me looking for justice. Meanwhile, I am trying to get to the bathroom because it's the only room with a lock.
Today this is what I heard:
1. A squabble on who gets to play with a the magic wand. It's a piece of pink plastic--I think it used to hold up a doll. My girls have hundreds of dollars of toys and electronics and they play with this? Perhaps for Christmas, I should give out empty shoe boxes.
2. With the magic wand, Laurel has turned Rachel into a worm. And Laurel refuses to reverse the spell.
3. Rachel comes to me complaining that she is a worm and pouting that I needed to do something. While I show her that she has arms and legs, she is insistent that she is a worm.
I, then, go into the family room, take away the wand and tell Laurel to turn Rachel into a girl rather than a worm. And this instance only covered 10 minutes and was one squabble of several.
(Young, childless co-workers are going to ask me about my weekend and I will not be able to convey the wand/worm situation with justice.)
Since it's the holidays, I am digging through the Christmas stuff and finding my new best friend, Mike, the Wang Elf on a Shelf. Last year my nemesis, this year, my new best friend. He will help me. I have Mike, but I might hide the china too. She is young, but I can see Rachel chucking a good plate at Laurel.
Usually they have played together quite well or on their own. But now, I am not sure if it's that Laurel wants more space. Her things can't be touched. And of course Rachel doesn't understand this.
Rachel is marking her territory; making sure that her age and size don't hinder her. She is also more verbal--any injustice, she speaks her mind and then gets in my face. I can hear squabbles in the next room and then those little feet, stomping to me looking for justice. Meanwhile, I am trying to get to the bathroom because it's the only room with a lock.
Today this is what I heard:
1. A squabble on who gets to play with a the magic wand. It's a piece of pink plastic--I think it used to hold up a doll. My girls have hundreds of dollars of toys and electronics and they play with this? Perhaps for Christmas, I should give out empty shoe boxes.
2. With the magic wand, Laurel has turned Rachel into a worm. And Laurel refuses to reverse the spell.
3. Rachel comes to me complaining that she is a worm and pouting that I needed to do something. While I show her that she has arms and legs, she is insistent that she is a worm.
I, then, go into the family room, take away the wand and tell Laurel to turn Rachel into a girl rather than a worm. And this instance only covered 10 minutes and was one squabble of several.
(Young, childless co-workers are going to ask me about my weekend and I will not be able to convey the wand/worm situation with justice.)
Since it's the holidays, I am digging through the Christmas stuff and finding my new best friend, Mike, the Wang Elf on a Shelf. Last year my nemesis, this year, my new best friend. He will help me. I have Mike, but I might hide the china too. She is young, but I can see Rachel chucking a good plate at Laurel.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
That's what you are eating for Thanksgiving dinner?
When I was a kid, I grew up eating that traditional Thanksgiving meal of turkey, stuffing and every root vegetable boiled or mashed to the point of having no nutritional value. If I didn't like the taste after I tried it, I either used a dollop of butter or a stream of gravy to disguise the taste. But I ate it as did every kid back then...you ate what was put in front of you or you didn't eat.
Today my Thanksgiving is different. My mother is the constant host and (as one of my many thanks) has graduated from boiling and mashing every root vegetable to death. Along with the turkey and fancy stuffing, there are brussels (much to Ching's chagrin) and salad, lightly dressed. Potatoes are still there along with the boiled onions and squash. So as I say yay at the spread, I look over at the mini Wangs at the kids table and this is what I see:
Laurel has a minuscule amount of turkey with a big mound of ketchup, a mountain of cranberry sauce (I am waiting for her to slip and call it Jello) and a buttered roll (which will be the first of three.)
Rachel has a minuscule amount of turkey, her cranberry "jello" and a buttered roll.
That's what you are eating for Thanksgiving dinner?
Selfishly, I am not worried about their nutritional intake. I am actually self conscious of my elders watching my parental ability. These are the same elders that kept me at the dinner table eating a mound of baked beans until I was done. (Probably only four bites but as a young kid, it was a mound.) The same ones that served me a frozen apple juice pop as the only sweet that was allowed. Elders eating organic before it was trendy. And now here I am letting my girls fill up on cheese and crackers prior to dinner and now at dinner, they are eating ketchup, cranberry jello and rolls. (Another thanks--Laurel is still really tall and Rachel has powerful thighs--these girls look like they eat just fine on most days.)
I hope they realize my limitations. I look over at Ching Wang as he is rolling his brussels around his plate like they are going to disappear.
Today my Thanksgiving is different. My mother is the constant host and (as one of my many thanks) has graduated from boiling and mashing every root vegetable to death. Along with the turkey and fancy stuffing, there are brussels (much to Ching's chagrin) and salad, lightly dressed. Potatoes are still there along with the boiled onions and squash. So as I say yay at the spread, I look over at the mini Wangs at the kids table and this is what I see:
Laurel has a minuscule amount of turkey with a big mound of ketchup, a mountain of cranberry sauce (I am waiting for her to slip and call it Jello) and a buttered roll (which will be the first of three.)
Rachel has a minuscule amount of turkey, her cranberry "jello" and a buttered roll.
That's what you are eating for Thanksgiving dinner?
Selfishly, I am not worried about their nutritional intake. I am actually self conscious of my elders watching my parental ability. These are the same elders that kept me at the dinner table eating a mound of baked beans until I was done. (Probably only four bites but as a young kid, it was a mound.) The same ones that served me a frozen apple juice pop as the only sweet that was allowed. Elders eating organic before it was trendy. And now here I am letting my girls fill up on cheese and crackers prior to dinner and now at dinner, they are eating ketchup, cranberry jello and rolls. (Another thanks--Laurel is still really tall and Rachel has powerful thighs--these girls look like they eat just fine on most days.)
I hope they realize my limitations. I look over at Ching Wang as he is rolling his brussels around his plate like they are going to disappear.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
I just need to remember this isn't just about November but everyday.
Over the past month, I have noticed daily "thankful" posts by several on Facebook. This got me to think about what I am an thankful for in my life. These are in no order of importance. I am glad that I didn't join the trend of posting one thankful per day because having the list of 30 in front of me perhaps gave me a little more to be thankful for today. I just need to remember this isn't just about November but everyday.
I am thankful...
1. I found my strong this year: While I have gone to the gym in the past, this was the first year that I truly challenged myself with different activities. Some I liked (Barre and TRX) and some, while I tried, I didn't like (Kickboxing). Making time for the gym is not easy. I go to the gym at lunch--this is the only dedicated hour to JCW. It is either get my ass out of my desk seat and do it or "claim" that I am busy while I eat my lunch at my desk surfing the internet for the latest gossipy crap. Some days it is a challenge to motivate myself but every time that I do, I am glad I did.
2. (And on that note), Lululemon clothes: Judge if you will, but I have learned to love these overpriced workout clothes. (Yes, the owner of the company seems like a douche canoe--but I am not dating him.) They fit like a glove, no camel toe, no gaping and no chaffing. And I look amazeballs and feel cool. I have also found that if you hit their sale section on their website, the clothes are quite reasonable. Especially if you factor in that they are made well and, miraculously, don't hold my beastly stink I actually have more wear out of them.
3. The Wang Family spreadsheet: While I treat myself with nice things every now and then, I never stray from the budget that is on the spreadsheet. The spreadsheet isn't magic--it doesn't stalk me in a store, knocking my Amex out of my hand before I make a stupid purchase. This is a guide for Ching and me to stay fiscally responsible for our family. I would also like to think that my girls will notice our responsibility.
4. Knowing the difference between your and you're: Holy Christ, this bugs the crap out of me. Where were people during 9th grade English class when this was taught? "Your" means personal ownership while "you're" means you are. So simple!
5. I can't take a selfie: I can't take a self portrait with my phone to save my life. Let me back up, I can but I end up looking like the reflection in one of those Christmas ornament balls. Thankfully this prevents me from posting selfies..selfies of desperation on Facebook...
6. I am sober as a judge: Not just as I write this but for almost a year, I haven't had any of the drinky drink. This was something that I had to do for some time and finally I have done it and work quite hard at it. Amazingly, without drinking, my life did not stop. I still have my funny, I take personal pride in my appearance and I feel more content. And I actually like Mr Ching Wang more than I thought...where the hell did that come from?
7. Prayer (Yes, Anelle, I pray!): When I was younger, I prayed for the boy to call or a good grade on an exam. Usually this have very meager results and I didn't really pray anymore. But now, rather than asking, I may just give thanks to a higher power (mine looks like Bryan Cranston) for another successful day or I ask him to remind me to be kind. And holy shit, this seems to work too.
8. Laurel: She is so sensitive and inclusive that I am very proud but also worried that she will easily get hurt. She takes risks and is very smart and funny. Her love of Katy Perry music bugs the piss out of me but she is a joy--absolute joy.
9. Rachel: Rachel has taught me that I am not as cold as I tend to think I am when it comes to physical affection. This kid would "cuddle cuddle" for hours if she could. Sometimes, in the middle of the night when she demands to "cuddle cuddle" in a low husky voice, I swear it sounds like she is saying "I am going to cut you" but I am sure it is "cuddle cuddle".
10. Ching: I have been with Ching for 14 years. At the beginning, I had no idea how good he would be with the girls; how ambitious he would be to provide for his family and how supportive he would be of me. Of course, I knew about his noxious dutch oven capabilities and his pissiness when the Hurricanes have a terrible game. But the good outweighs the bad.
11. Friends: I am okay to say that I have only a few friends. I have several acquaintances but only a small circle of friends that I can share my stuff. They are friends that I can lose touch for a little bit of time but then pick up the friendship like no time had passed. I also tend to act weird and if they asked for a hug I would hug them.
12. Not being fearful of food: I am glad that I am not afraid of trying food. That limits so much when you turn your nose up to something new. (Laurel--I am talking to you.) As I get older, I also understand that there are better foods that I should eat. What digested easily at 22 doesn't at 41. And when all else fails, color, eat lots of color.
13. Sense of Humor : I was raised with the notion that having a good sense of humor is a form of intelligence. And I am super smart as I chuckle to myself as Rachel laughs at Macklemore's Thriftshop. She specifically likes the line when he is talking about walking into the club with a big...and then a chicken clucks. "Mommy why does he have a chicken?" Yeah, JCW, just laugh...it's either listen to this or Laurel talking about her latest boy crush.
14. Eli Lilly: Quite simply EL keeps me from rocking back in forth in the fetal position...and that would be very embarrassing if I was at work. Thanks EL.
15. Gift of Education: Currently I am furiously saving for L+R's college education. I do it willingly because I was always given the impression from my own mother that an education wasn't a burden. As I listen to young people complain about the college loans that they are currently re-paying, I want to remind them that they were able to attend a college.
16. Low Maintenance Hair: My hair is all one length, a little past my shoulders. I get it cut (and now highlighted) quarterly. I wash it twice a week and re-straighten everyday. I spend very little time and I think it looks okay. Yay...
17. My Mom: I call my mom everyday when I am at work. I like to know that she is okay--I have seen way too many of those "Help, I have fallen and can't get up" commercials. We check in with each other on snarky things in the news or Facebook. Currently, she is teaching me a very good lesson about health care. If you aren't feeling well, it's up to you to nip it when it starts and prevent it from getting worse. Rather than doing nothing, something getting worse and then expecting a doctor to perform a miracle.
18. Newton: I really like where the Wangs live. Our city is considered large but we live in a part, or village that makes it small. The schools are good and the after school program is great. We live close enough to the city so I don't feel like I am in the boonies AND I don't spend half my life commuting to work.
19.Working outside the home: I will admit I work for a paycheck but I also work to show my girls the importance of work. If I didn't work, I am not sure what I would do--I need to make the contribution to the checking account, I need the socialization and God damn it, I need also need to be around people that don't negotiate about snacks and juice boxes.
20. I am healthy: I am healthy--it's as simple as that but I work at it constantly.
21. Strength against the dog request: God help me, I have not caved at the constant demand of getting a dog. I know several families that have and love their dogs but we are not going to be one of those families. There are too many things going on to throw a dog in the mix. While the vote is still 3 to 1, pro dog--I am still the dominating vote. And I am still staying strong. Also the thought of putting a plastic bag over my hand to pick up a big steaming pile really turns my stomach. I just got Rachel out of diapers...
22. Regretting my tattoo: When I was 21, I got a tattoo on my right hip. Would I do it again...absolutely not. I knew my body was going to be different but at 21, I couldn't see the flabbiness of my future. The shape of the tattoo is a little off and it tends to disappear when I sit down on the toilet. I am glad I regret it because it prevents me from doing it again. Also I have proof that I can show the girls when they are insistent on getting one.
23. Health of my girls: I have had to take very few sick days with the girls. They are healthy and happy. This is something that I should remind myself more frequently.
24. Sunblock and Embracing the Pale: A few days ago, I started to highlight my hair to camouflage some stray tinsel like grays. But as I look in the mirror, I am glad that I embraced my pale skin and came to the conclusion that I don't tan. I started to wear sunblock on my face at 16. Even as my hair has started to be processed, at least my face doesn't look like an old shoe.
25. CCW is a legs and ass man: Thank God--I can do Barre and run and my legs and ass while be toned to the hilt but I can do thousands push ups, my boobs will never get bigger...and that brings me to...
26. Breastfeeding: Odd but I am still grateful that I breastfed my kids--for several reasons but one that I think of frequently especially when I see famous people get this monstrous cantaloupes implanted on their chest. Breastfeeding gave me a chance to try out boobs--I didn't like them. I didn't like having hard time finding a nice fitted shirt. I didn't like the weight and I certainly didn't like having to specifically lift each one up and wash underneath. My boobs are flabby and wonky but at least they are small.
27. Memory: I am still blessed with an odd memory of certain long term details. This comes in handy when I want to impress Rachel by knowing all the lyrics of the theme song to Mr Roger's Neighborhood.
28. Breaking Bad: I know I have praised this show a lot but it was very good. I was raised on television. Recently there hasn't been a lot on that has been very good like reality crap, stupid sitcoms or shows that have jumped the shark years ago. Breaking Bad was a show that put my faith back into television. This was a show that was creative from start to appropriate finish. The story didn't finish with a tired out whimper but a bang. But now my standards are higher...who is going to be my next Walter White?
29. Facebook: I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Most days I am annoyed by posts that are in all caps. I don't like pictures of food or selfies especially when the subject needs to brush their teeth. There are believes that I don't agree with but with all that I need to remember that I am also connected with people that I wouldn't necessarily be in regular contact with. Facebook also connects me with old friends--that's the love part of the relationship.
30. This was a fast list--I am lucky I have more to say. But I will keep it at 30.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I am thankful...
1. I found my strong this year: While I have gone to the gym in the past, this was the first year that I truly challenged myself with different activities. Some I liked (Barre and TRX) and some, while I tried, I didn't like (Kickboxing). Making time for the gym is not easy. I go to the gym at lunch--this is the only dedicated hour to JCW. It is either get my ass out of my desk seat and do it or "claim" that I am busy while I eat my lunch at my desk surfing the internet for the latest gossipy crap. Some days it is a challenge to motivate myself but every time that I do, I am glad I did.
2. (And on that note), Lululemon clothes: Judge if you will, but I have learned to love these overpriced workout clothes. (Yes, the owner of the company seems like a douche canoe--but I am not dating him.) They fit like a glove, no camel toe, no gaping and no chaffing. And I look amazeballs and feel cool. I have also found that if you hit their sale section on their website, the clothes are quite reasonable. Especially if you factor in that they are made well and, miraculously, don't hold my beastly stink I actually have more wear out of them.
3. The Wang Family spreadsheet: While I treat myself with nice things every now and then, I never stray from the budget that is on the spreadsheet. The spreadsheet isn't magic--it doesn't stalk me in a store, knocking my Amex out of my hand before I make a stupid purchase. This is a guide for Ching and me to stay fiscally responsible for our family. I would also like to think that my girls will notice our responsibility.
4. Knowing the difference between your and you're: Holy Christ, this bugs the crap out of me. Where were people during 9th grade English class when this was taught? "Your" means personal ownership while "you're" means you are. So simple!
5. I can't take a selfie: I can't take a self portrait with my phone to save my life. Let me back up, I can but I end up looking like the reflection in one of those Christmas ornament balls. Thankfully this prevents me from posting selfies..selfies of desperation on Facebook...
6. I am sober as a judge: Not just as I write this but for almost a year, I haven't had any of the drinky drink. This was something that I had to do for some time and finally I have done it and work quite hard at it. Amazingly, without drinking, my life did not stop. I still have my funny, I take personal pride in my appearance and I feel more content. And I actually like Mr Ching Wang more than I thought...where the hell did that come from?
7. Prayer (Yes, Anelle, I pray!): When I was younger, I prayed for the boy to call or a good grade on an exam. Usually this have very meager results and I didn't really pray anymore. But now, rather than asking, I may just give thanks to a higher power (mine looks like Bryan Cranston) for another successful day or I ask him to remind me to be kind. And holy shit, this seems to work too.
8. Laurel: She is so sensitive and inclusive that I am very proud but also worried that she will easily get hurt. She takes risks and is very smart and funny. Her love of Katy Perry music bugs the piss out of me but she is a joy--absolute joy.
9. Rachel: Rachel has taught me that I am not as cold as I tend to think I am when it comes to physical affection. This kid would "cuddle cuddle" for hours if she could. Sometimes, in the middle of the night when she demands to "cuddle cuddle" in a low husky voice, I swear it sounds like she is saying "I am going to cut you" but I am sure it is "cuddle cuddle".
10. Ching: I have been with Ching for 14 years. At the beginning, I had no idea how good he would be with the girls; how ambitious he would be to provide for his family and how supportive he would be of me. Of course, I knew about his noxious dutch oven capabilities and his pissiness when the Hurricanes have a terrible game. But the good outweighs the bad.
11. Friends: I am okay to say that I have only a few friends. I have several acquaintances but only a small circle of friends that I can share my stuff. They are friends that I can lose touch for a little bit of time but then pick up the friendship like no time had passed. I also tend to act weird and if they asked for a hug I would hug them.
12. Not being fearful of food: I am glad that I am not afraid of trying food. That limits so much when you turn your nose up to something new. (Laurel--I am talking to you.) As I get older, I also understand that there are better foods that I should eat. What digested easily at 22 doesn't at 41. And when all else fails, color, eat lots of color.
13. Sense of Humor : I was raised with the notion that having a good sense of humor is a form of intelligence. And I am super smart as I chuckle to myself as Rachel laughs at Macklemore's Thriftshop. She specifically likes the line when he is talking about walking into the club with a big...and then a chicken clucks. "Mommy why does he have a chicken?" Yeah, JCW, just laugh...it's either listen to this or Laurel talking about her latest boy crush.
14. Eli Lilly: Quite simply EL keeps me from rocking back in forth in the fetal position...and that would be very embarrassing if I was at work. Thanks EL.
15. Gift of Education: Currently I am furiously saving for L+R's college education. I do it willingly because I was always given the impression from my own mother that an education wasn't a burden. As I listen to young people complain about the college loans that they are currently re-paying, I want to remind them that they were able to attend a college.
16. Low Maintenance Hair: My hair is all one length, a little past my shoulders. I get it cut (and now highlighted) quarterly. I wash it twice a week and re-straighten everyday. I spend very little time and I think it looks okay. Yay...
17. My Mom: I call my mom everyday when I am at work. I like to know that she is okay--I have seen way too many of those "Help, I have fallen and can't get up" commercials. We check in with each other on snarky things in the news or Facebook. Currently, she is teaching me a very good lesson about health care. If you aren't feeling well, it's up to you to nip it when it starts and prevent it from getting worse. Rather than doing nothing, something getting worse and then expecting a doctor to perform a miracle.
18. Newton: I really like where the Wangs live. Our city is considered large but we live in a part, or village that makes it small. The schools are good and the after school program is great. We live close enough to the city so I don't feel like I am in the boonies AND I don't spend half my life commuting to work.
19.Working outside the home: I will admit I work for a paycheck but I also work to show my girls the importance of work. If I didn't work, I am not sure what I would do--I need to make the contribution to the checking account, I need the socialization and God damn it, I need also need to be around people that don't negotiate about snacks and juice boxes.
20. I am healthy: I am healthy--it's as simple as that but I work at it constantly.
21. Strength against the dog request: God help me, I have not caved at the constant demand of getting a dog. I know several families that have and love their dogs but we are not going to be one of those families. There are too many things going on to throw a dog in the mix. While the vote is still 3 to 1, pro dog--I am still the dominating vote. And I am still staying strong. Also the thought of putting a plastic bag over my hand to pick up a big steaming pile really turns my stomach. I just got Rachel out of diapers...
22. Regretting my tattoo: When I was 21, I got a tattoo on my right hip. Would I do it again...absolutely not. I knew my body was going to be different but at 21, I couldn't see the flabbiness of my future. The shape of the tattoo is a little off and it tends to disappear when I sit down on the toilet. I am glad I regret it because it prevents me from doing it again. Also I have proof that I can show the girls when they are insistent on getting one.
23. Health of my girls: I have had to take very few sick days with the girls. They are healthy and happy. This is something that I should remind myself more frequently.
24. Sunblock and Embracing the Pale: A few days ago, I started to highlight my hair to camouflage some stray tinsel like grays. But as I look in the mirror, I am glad that I embraced my pale skin and came to the conclusion that I don't tan. I started to wear sunblock on my face at 16. Even as my hair has started to be processed, at least my face doesn't look like an old shoe.
25. CCW is a legs and ass man: Thank God--I can do Barre and run and my legs and ass while be toned to the hilt but I can do thousands push ups, my boobs will never get bigger...and that brings me to...
26. Breastfeeding: Odd but I am still grateful that I breastfed my kids--for several reasons but one that I think of frequently especially when I see famous people get this monstrous cantaloupes implanted on their chest. Breastfeeding gave me a chance to try out boobs--I didn't like them. I didn't like having hard time finding a nice fitted shirt. I didn't like the weight and I certainly didn't like having to specifically lift each one up and wash underneath. My boobs are flabby and wonky but at least they are small.
27. Memory: I am still blessed with an odd memory of certain long term details. This comes in handy when I want to impress Rachel by knowing all the lyrics of the theme song to Mr Roger's Neighborhood.
28. Breaking Bad: I know I have praised this show a lot but it was very good. I was raised on television. Recently there hasn't been a lot on that has been very good like reality crap, stupid sitcoms or shows that have jumped the shark years ago. Breaking Bad was a show that put my faith back into television. This was a show that was creative from start to appropriate finish. The story didn't finish with a tired out whimper but a bang. But now my standards are higher...who is going to be my next Walter White?
29. Facebook: I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Most days I am annoyed by posts that are in all caps. I don't like pictures of food or selfies especially when the subject needs to brush their teeth. There are believes that I don't agree with but with all that I need to remember that I am also connected with people that I wouldn't necessarily be in regular contact with. Facebook also connects me with old friends--that's the love part of the relationship.
30. This was a fast list--I am lucky I have more to say. But I will keep it at 30.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
I feel like I have been caught jamming a whole lot of cake in my mouth.
I was caught...
Every Wednesday, we have a sitter that picks up the girls from school and makes them dinner. This gives Ching and me three hours to do other things but predominantly to stay at work. I have all these little things to get done and today was a sucky focus day. But my toes have chipped nail polish and quite frankly, they nails need to be cut. (I like it when they cut my nails for me. They get them so straight across. I tend to produce weird ass slants.) I said, "freak it" while I packed up my computer to get the small things done from home but after I go get a pedicure.
From Ching and the girl's perspective, I am still at work, but in reality, I am in a massage chair soaking in bubbly warm water. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. I am sure this tendency is explained in many books either about being on the brink or not leaning in enough. Last week, I saw a list of 23 things that women shouldn't do but do anyway. Tell me something I don't know--maybe that should be number 24 for the author.
So as I am finishing up feeling like I have pulled a fast one on the other Wangs. My toes look great and my skin is much softer. This was totally worth it. But then it happens...another mom brought her daughter, who is a friend of Laurel's, for a manicure. I feel like I have been caught jamming a whole lot of cake in my mouth. I see the mom but she doesn't see me yet. Not only do I a feel busted but then I have to do that little pep talk--"nothing inappropriate, nothing awkward." Then the voices start to bicker inside my head--"I should at least say hi." "I should only say hi if she sees me." Or, my fave, "screw her, she just ruined my cover."
The mother isn't judgmental--she doesn't care that I am there. It's that her daughter is going to tell Laurel that I was there getting my toes down as she was getting a manicure. Jesus Christ, when did this become junior high? Because I introduced Laurel to the world of mani/pedi's, she now feels entitled.
The mom sees me and I am able to be very proper: "Nice to see you. Hi there (to the girl). Enjoy your manicures." Wow, sometimes I do have a stick up my butt that makes me very salutary. But regardless, I skulk out of there likes it's a strip club and I am dirty and smelling like broad.
I must have a look of deceit when I walk into the house. Laurel's eyes goes right down to my toes and she says, "Nice color. When did you get that done?" I avoid the question, knowing that she is going to find out tomorrow.
(And this is #400...thank you for reading.)
Every Wednesday, we have a sitter that picks up the girls from school and makes them dinner. This gives Ching and me three hours to do other things but predominantly to stay at work. I have all these little things to get done and today was a sucky focus day. But my toes have chipped nail polish and quite frankly, they nails need to be cut. (I like it when they cut my nails for me. They get them so straight across. I tend to produce weird ass slants.) I said, "freak it" while I packed up my computer to get the small things done from home but after I go get a pedicure.
From Ching and the girl's perspective, I am still at work, but in reality, I am in a massage chair soaking in bubbly warm water. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. I am sure this tendency is explained in many books either about being on the brink or not leaning in enough. Last week, I saw a list of 23 things that women shouldn't do but do anyway. Tell me something I don't know--maybe that should be number 24 for the author.
So as I am finishing up feeling like I have pulled a fast one on the other Wangs. My toes look great and my skin is much softer. This was totally worth it. But then it happens...another mom brought her daughter, who is a friend of Laurel's, for a manicure. I feel like I have been caught jamming a whole lot of cake in my mouth. I see the mom but she doesn't see me yet. Not only do I a feel busted but then I have to do that little pep talk--"nothing inappropriate, nothing awkward." Then the voices start to bicker inside my head--"I should at least say hi." "I should only say hi if she sees me." Or, my fave, "screw her, she just ruined my cover."
The mother isn't judgmental--she doesn't care that I am there. It's that her daughter is going to tell Laurel that I was there getting my toes down as she was getting a manicure. Jesus Christ, when did this become junior high? Because I introduced Laurel to the world of mani/pedi's, she now feels entitled.
The mom sees me and I am able to be very proper: "Nice to see you. Hi there (to the girl). Enjoy your manicures." Wow, sometimes I do have a stick up my butt that makes me very salutary. But regardless, I skulk out of there likes it's a strip club and I am dirty and smelling like broad.
I must have a look of deceit when I walk into the house. Laurel's eyes goes right down to my toes and she says, "Nice color. When did you get that done?" I avoid the question, knowing that she is going to find out tomorrow.
(And this is #400...thank you for reading.)
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
You know how some people can't wait to take off uncomfortable undergarments as soon as they get home--my filter is my uncomfortable undergarment.
I woke up with the feeling of dread. All day this event just looming over me like a dark cloud. Tonight is the Cabot Community Dinner. It's a back to school dinner that gets parents and kids together with pizza, sweets and a DJ.
First of all, it's on a Tuesday--the worse day of the week. By Tuesday night, you are elbow deep in your typical weekly crap and the week isn't even half way done. Secondly, I have no urge to be social and correct. To be correct means keeping the filter on. All day at work, I focus and have that filter on but as soon as I get through the door, the filter is off. You know how some people can't wait to take off uncomfortable undergarments as soon as they get home--my filter is my uncomfortable undergarment.
Ching gets there first because he has volunteered to sell tickets (Slices of pizza, juice boxes and desserts are purchased with tickets.) I am just going to show up. For Christ's sake, I have been nice all day.
I don't like these things. I am okay in smaller classroom settings with parents on either side of me. But this is a sea of adults and kids and I don't want to walk up to someone and strike up a conversation (and probably say something inappropriate and awkward is the filter isn't on tight enough). Of course the one conversation I will have will be right near the DJ booth and I won't be able to hear a God damn thing.
I am okay with not being friends with other mothers at Laurel's school. I am okay with this because I have friends, they are just not mothers at this school. Maybe eventually, when I figure out who Laurel's real bestie is and I will make the effort. But right now I am friendless at Cabot Elementary and I am okay with that.
So when I get home and change my clothes, I can all ready hear the DJ in the field. I look at the clock and let myself know that this will be over in 90 minutes.
I get there and Laurel wants me to join her on the "dance grass" and do the swing dance. I just twirl her a bit and then Rachel is like a magnet wanted to twirl too. With all of twirling going on, this is when a mom comes up to me. Sure as shit...the one mom that talks to me is right by a speaker. I think I talked about volunteering on picture day.
Ching is sitting among the ladies selling tickets. I am somewhat amused but proud at the same time. There are several woman volunteers and one dude. That one dude is my man, Mr. Ching Wang. I am curious how that conversation is going--wondering if it's about activities, new teachers or a lack of focus. Hearing about other kids and their lack of focus calms him down.
As Rachel wants to spin to the music, I decide that I don't need to talk to anyone....because with this spinning I may throw up. I notice Laurel dancing and realize that her pants are too small. I am also question those moves and may have to curb her Katy Perry watching. And why is she dancing in her socks? Where the hell are her sneakers?
I look around and notice other parents that are just standing, watching like zombies. I don't think they want to talk either. Maybe they also realize, like me, that they have eight more of these dinners in the future until all kids are in junior high.
Before the last song, they announce there is a parents only event on 9/27. I really don't see myself going to that event either.
First of all, it's on a Tuesday--the worse day of the week. By Tuesday night, you are elbow deep in your typical weekly crap and the week isn't even half way done. Secondly, I have no urge to be social and correct. To be correct means keeping the filter on. All day at work, I focus and have that filter on but as soon as I get through the door, the filter is off. You know how some people can't wait to take off uncomfortable undergarments as soon as they get home--my filter is my uncomfortable undergarment.
Ching gets there first because he has volunteered to sell tickets (Slices of pizza, juice boxes and desserts are purchased with tickets.) I am just going to show up. For Christ's sake, I have been nice all day.
I don't like these things. I am okay in smaller classroom settings with parents on either side of me. But this is a sea of adults and kids and I don't want to walk up to someone and strike up a conversation (and probably say something inappropriate and awkward is the filter isn't on tight enough). Of course the one conversation I will have will be right near the DJ booth and I won't be able to hear a God damn thing.
I am okay with not being friends with other mothers at Laurel's school. I am okay with this because I have friends, they are just not mothers at this school. Maybe eventually, when I figure out who Laurel's real bestie is and I will make the effort. But right now I am friendless at Cabot Elementary and I am okay with that.
So when I get home and change my clothes, I can all ready hear the DJ in the field. I look at the clock and let myself know that this will be over in 90 minutes.
I get there and Laurel wants me to join her on the "dance grass" and do the swing dance. I just twirl her a bit and then Rachel is like a magnet wanted to twirl too. With all of twirling going on, this is when a mom comes up to me. Sure as shit...the one mom that talks to me is right by a speaker. I think I talked about volunteering on picture day.
Ching is sitting among the ladies selling tickets. I am somewhat amused but proud at the same time. There are several woman volunteers and one dude. That one dude is my man, Mr. Ching Wang. I am curious how that conversation is going--wondering if it's about activities, new teachers or a lack of focus. Hearing about other kids and their lack of focus calms him down.
As Rachel wants to spin to the music, I decide that I don't need to talk to anyone....because with this spinning I may throw up. I notice Laurel dancing and realize that her pants are too small. I am also question those moves and may have to curb her Katy Perry watching. And why is she dancing in her socks? Where the hell are her sneakers?
I look around and notice other parents that are just standing, watching like zombies. I don't think they want to talk either. Maybe they also realize, like me, that they have eight more of these dinners in the future until all kids are in junior high.
Before the last song, they announce there is a parents only event on 9/27. I really don't see myself going to that event either.
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