First of all, I am no one's trophy wife and his metabolism kind of hit the skids around 30.

Recently I have heard this urge to lie about my age.  I am not sure if it was the wonky eye that stares back at me in the mirror or the cold weather that makes my skin feel like paper.  Also, it doesn't help that someone I know (who will remain nameless) got "refreshed".

Rather than giving a younger age, perhaps I will just tell people that I was born in 1982 rather than 1972.  This would make me 30, about to turn 31 in June.  It seems so simple and if someone doubts me, I have this wonderful way of yelling with my eyes albeit a wonky one on the left.

But then, the lie isn't simple.  There are so many things that I would have to explain.  Did Ching and I get married when I was 21?  That couldn't happen...I made very few good decisions when I was 21.  Since the girls are 7 and 2.5 that would make me a mother at 24 and 28.  No way!  My belly button is a mess after carrying two kids.  It looks all melty and droopy--worse than the eye of wonk but at least it's covered.

All those stupid mistakes when I was young, single Jude.  If I was married at 21, I never would have had that window of time to learn.  To learn what a jerk looks like and have full appreciation for Mr. Ching Wang.  In this scenario, I am the only one that is getting younger.  And assuming that I would be marrying Ching at his true age at our wedding...not so sure about that.  First of all, I am no one's trophy wife and his metabolism kind of hit the skids around 30. Also at 21, I don't think I was mature enough to appreciate the spreadsheet. I didn't really learn the art of saving and putting down the credit card until I was 25.

Then there are (pop) cultural things that I would have missed.  I would have been too young to know about Christine Cagney--the best character ever created on television.  Good God, I hope Monica Gellar wouldn't be my role model?  Instead of channeling Molly Ringwald when I was 17, would I have been channeling Christina Aguilera?  I would have been too young to experience shoulder pads or unkempt eyebrows.  Appreciation for a good wax job...yeah, perhaps I will stay born in 1972.  I need to get over this...maybe I just need some bran.