I didn't want to ruin it and tell him that the women that he pays for really don't expect a gift, just payment.

There are two parts to tonight's entry...I didn't think that one part was good without the other.  Also it's a good lesson not to get too joyous because you may, just may, be kicked in the ass.

(This is Part I.)  Yesterday, I overheard some (men) talk about that crap holiday known as Valentine's Day.  I agree that the day is a sham but I couldn't help but be nosey and listen in---I may not have the best reading comprehension or word retrieval but I have really good hearing and listening skills.  I think in a past life, I was a spy.  Anyway, one guy got his girl a non-traditional gift that she mentioned that she would like.  One guy talked about getting candy...kind of cliche but my favorite was the loudmouth talking about how he is so ripped off by the day.  I didn't want to ruin it and tell him that the women that he pays for really don't expect a gift, just payment.

I sat that basking in the future glow of my gift from Mr. Ching Wang.  I don't believe that this was intended on being a gift but it falls on 2/15 and I am so excited.  So he might as well use it as a gift---CCW take a bow and the credit..  Ching is taking the girls to Ohio for a four day weekend to visit is aunt and uncle.  I don't have to go!  The weekend is all mine...all mine!

This has never happened since we had Rachel.  Ching took Laurel to Minnesota back in 2008.  Not only was that so long ago that I can barely remember but the lice that she got one week after she got back seemed to diminish all relaxation from JCW only time.  I have joked that I would go to rehab or jail just for some JCW time.  Yesterday, while on RadarOnline (yes, it sucks me in) I was checking this story on Jodi Arias and her jail.  That little cell didn't look bad to me.  Granted you have to poop and wipe in front of people but I would do that if it meant that I wasn't given the shake down for a snack every 20 minutes from either kid.  And don't get my started on Lindsey Lohan...all the times she could go to rehab to better herself in peace.

I have such a list of things that I would like to do.  I am giving myself time to list and plan.  I can plan not to make another box of macaroni and cheese.  I can plan not to be woken up before 8:00 on the weekend.  Once I pick up the toys on Friday, they will remain untouched until Tuesday evening.  This will be a glimpse back in time when I was single but it's better...I am smarter and have more money to spend.  I will toss "a project" over this four days to feel a little productive.  I have wanted to clean up the laundry room for some time.  Ching will be told that I did this task since he very rarely goes into this room.

I am counting down the days.  Perhaps my excitement is a little too evident to Laurel.  She was telling her sitter about the trip.  And said this....  (This is the lead in to Part II)

LAW: "Mom isn't going to Ohio with us because (wait for it..3, 2, 1) she is not a people person."

Holy shit!  How does she know this about me?  Good God...first, damage control.

JCW: "Laurel, do you remember a few months ago when we had a girls' weekend in Maine?  Daddy stayed home for some alone time.  Remember?"
LAW: "Yes."
JCW:  "I like my alone time.  I am not, not going (Jesus, she understood the double negative) because I don't like people.   I love spending time with you, Rachel and Daddy...but I am tired and this is my little vacation.  And please don't tell Ah-Ma and Ah-Gong that I am not a people person.  This may hurt their feelings."

What the freak else does she know--my weakness for adult beverages?  That I squirrel cash in my underwear drawer for JCW only purchases?  My avoidance of hugs?  But again, this is me and why should I tighten it up to avoid awkwardness.  I will just tighten up until they come back from Ohio...and then I will address it with Laurel.  I need JCW time before that...address awkward social skills with Laurel and the big bad potty with Rachel.

I wouldn't spend time on myself but would make chicken nuggets for Rachel's lunch at 5:45 am?

(I feel compelled to warn you.  I use questionable slang that some may use to describe female genitalia.  I didn't use the big, bad one.  And true to my word, I still have not used the f-bomb because my mother asked me not to.)

In the morning, I got into this terrible habit of minimizing my "get ready" minutes.  Foregoing make-up, wearing a "wrinkle-free" blouse out of the fresh out of the dryer, a vigorous hair brushing (rather than re-straightening) gave me minutes back.   I could get ready, with a shower, in 11 minutes.  I am not really sure why I was willing to get up earlier to make fancier lunches, unload the dishwasher or attend an 8:00 meeting but not to get ready with a little extra for myself?

I needed to change this.  It was so asinine that I wouldn't spend time on myself but would make chicken nuggets for Rachel's lunch at 5:45 am?  I was committed on giving myself 15 minutes every morning.  Regularly I would get up at 6:00 (I have become a lot faster in the making lunch department), but now I get up at 5:45.  Most people would say that they would rather sleep for an extra 15 but for me this was better than rest.  I am able to lotion (my skin is in shock..it's been awhile since I have used lotion), use make-up, press my clothes, accessorize and make my lunch.  I know this makes me sound like High Maintenance Judith but I feel so much better.  And God damn it, there is a spring in my step.  (Much to the chagrin to CCW---he had nothing to do with my bounce step.)

I don't want to give the impression that I now must go out made up.  On the weekends, when I am casual, make-up doesn't matter.  I just give myself 15 minutes on something else.  But, I do like it and I feel less...manly looking.  I am just proud that I am telling myself that I am worth 15 minutes.  Just 15...clam to glam, twat to hot.

This 15 minute commitment came just in time.  This morning I needed it to camo up a fat zit like I was 15 again.  Flashback to 1987 right in the middle of my face.

Let me make this clear, I have never hit him with malice. Maybe a little arm punch...but that's it.

With the new year, I have really tried to improve my way of life.  Not huge resolutions that slam down a hammer that says, "no more" but more small steps and just completing the day.  (What I do tomorrow is...well, tomorrow.  I don't worry about that now.)  I have gone back to the gym, cut back on both the bacon encrusted sandwiches and booze.  It is amazing how many small "not great things" add up to an ass kicking morning full of haze.  I wanted to stop that...needed to stop that.  JCW was losing her spark.

I did noticed while my spark was burning lower that I became more tolerant of other people's short comings.  If I was behind the 8 ball, Christ, I couldn't fault anyone else that was there too.  But with a little clarity each morning, each day, I find that I am no longer behind the 8 ball.  But now I have very little tolerance for those that are...most days I want to grab the ball and hurl it at their head.

While I am on my game and quite efficient around the household Wang, I don't think this is Ching's gain.  This morning after Ching got Rachel dressed, he looked at me with a pleading puss.
CCW:  "If you take them both to school, I will take them both tomorrow."
JCW:  "But you usually do this anyway...take them both on Tuesday because I have an 8:00 meeting.  (Believe me, I would rather take Rachel than this meeting.)  Wait a freakin' minute.  Are you going back to bed?"
CCW:  (I swear he backs up a little like I am going to hit him.  Let me make this clear, I have never hit him with malice.  Maybe a little arm punch...but that's it.)  "I didn't sleep at all last night.  I just need 30 more minutes."
JCW:  "Fine... "Yeah it is fine because I am on my freakin' game!  "And I know you slept last night--the three times that I woke up to your snoring, you were in fact, asleep."

In the past, I would be fine with this because I was probably slipping in some other arena...forgetting a school form, wrinkled blouse, cranky and wanting to go back to bed too.  The slipping would make me feel guilty and there was the endless cycle of "not so great" things.

But now I am not. And I like it.  While I know Ching fully appreciates this in the evenings, I know that he probably doesn't in the morning.   Perhaps I should add tolerance as one of my small steps---just hard after a night of manly nasal snoring.

Ching gets jumpy when there is no WiFi in a hotel room. Lot of fun he would be.

Putting those stupid Diary of a Wimpy Kid books aside, I wanted to teach Laurel a lesson of how much that she has and what she takes for granted.  Maybe it is the current questioning of her birthday party, guests and gifts.  I have somewhat had enough so I am trying to teach her that less is more.   We are reading the Little House on the Prairie series.

Since Laurel was very young, she likes to be read to before she goes to sleep.  Since she got the Ingalls-Wilder series for Christmas, I thought she would want to start with book 1--Little House in the Big Woods.  I really liked this book.  There wasn't a lot of struggle and everyday life was very basic.  I can't imagine the girls and me doing just wash on Mondays, butter churning on Tuesdays...all the while Ching is outside, trying to milk a cow.  I find the notion somewhat romantic...less is more, working very hard, providing basics to your family and going to bed exhausted but fulfilled.  Easy to say but I have neither camped nor signed up for one of the Amish vacations.  (Ching gets jumpy when there is no WiFi in a hotel room.  Lot of fun he would be.)

Laurel insisted that she wanted to start with The Long Winter.  Holy Crap--let's just dive deep into struggle.  Okay with me, but you better believe that I mention this book everytime she complains that the weather is too cold or that she just has to have a snack right before dinner (because she is so hungry).  While the cold and hunger were the obvious differences, I was surprised to remember other things that I could try to teach her.  Laura had very few choices about her future--she knew that she was either going to teach or farm like her Ma.  There was very little "playing"--she had to help a lot and sometimes, there was a lot of waiting if there was a blizzard.  Not much to read, no television or Ipad.  And she never talked back.

I am not sure how much sinks into Laurel's mind when we are reading.  The whole "getting water from a well" and outhouse doesn't seem to phase her yet.  I am hoping it will by book #3 or perhaps knowing that Laura's Ma didn't have to stand outside (the outhouse) in case Laura was afraid of a noise or falling in make get her to sit up and listen.

We have more boxes of macaroni and cheese in this house than we do toilet paper.

Every now and then, the Wang's get together with the Schwartz's--and always eating a meal.  And this is the routine that follows, as dinner (always very casual of pizza, wings, tacos, etc.) is served.  Lee (Mrs. Schwartz) and I (Mrs. Wang) get food prepped for the kids while Tony and Ching start to eat.  Mr. Schwartz and Mr. Wang start to eat even before the kids start their meal.  Lee looks at me with a "please let this be your next blog topic" gaze and then glances at Tony.  He claims that he isn't much help because he is so hungry.  I look at Ching and he stops eating.  Don't give him any credit because what he has jammed in his mouth could probably have feed three beefy toddlers for a couple of days.  Lee and I eventually eat...I don't know about you but I am usually my hungriest when I can't eat and have to cut food in tiny pieces for little people.  I could gnaw off a finger as an app.

This is something that I have come to accept---I just got used to it.  Until last night...

Ching and I have a slight change to our schedule.  He picked the girls up from school.  I told him that I would leave work by 5:30, get dry cleaning (his) and go to CVS (because JCW needs her crazy pills).  I told him that I would be home no later than 6:30.  For our dinner, we were going to heat up a lamb stew that I made a couple nights before.  While at the dry cleaners, I got a text saying that he emptied the dishwasher and he was checking to see if there was anything else that needs to be done.  I said no, thinking that he was multi-tasking with dinner and the dishwasher.  And was mildly impressed.

I get home and smell the stew re-heating.  Ching is eating his first helping.  I turn to him and ask what he made the girls.
CCW:  Well, I didn't know what you were doing for their dinner.
JCW:  So they haven't eaten?
CCW:  I didn't know when exactly you were coming home.  (It is 6:30---just like I said.)
JCW:  Have the girls eaten?
CCW:  Well, no...
JCW:  THE GIRLS HAVEN'T EATEN BUT YOU ARE?
CCW:  Yes...but I really didn't know what to make.
JCW:  We have more boxes of macaroni and cheese in this house than we do toilet paper.  That is always the fall back.

I cannot explain his thought process.  I cannot understand how Rachel didn't kick him in the leg seeing him eat as she wasn't.  Perhaps I shouldn't let him jam those three bites in his mouth prior to me getting dinner in front of the girls.

My apologies, Lee, for not writing this sooner.  If I had, the girls would have had dinner in front of them and Ching wouldn't be trying to get in my good graces (which I am milking until Saturday).

"You are not too old to have me get this limo pulled over!"

Regardless of my political persuasion, I couldn't help but be in awe of the young daughters of the President and First Lady during the inaugural celebration.  One of the most awkward times in their lives yet they are quite poised on a global stage.  Until I was a mother of young girls, I didn't quite understand the different kind of parenting that they must receive.  I grew up watching Amy Carter and Chelsea Clinton grow up during their father's terms.  I wasn't a mother yet when the Bush twins entered during their father's first term.  I was a new mom during the second term so most days, I was so disheveled that I couldn't tell you who the president was let alone care about his girls.

But watching Malia and Sasha..wow.  You can just pull that poise out of thin air just for a day.  But I would like to think there are shreds of Wang in their household too, especially yesterday morning:
Did the First Lady have to give each of them five extra minutes in bed because they were still too tired to get up?
Unlike Laurel, they seem old enough to give concern to tidy hair.  Good God, wonder what a bad hair day is like?  Who gives a crap about the new bangs on an adult?  An adult can pull behavior together along with a ponytail.  Pre-teen/teenagers, not so much.
How many times were they told to stand up straight?
The girls wore similar colors.  Do you think there was an argument about who gets to wear what complete with sassy eye rolls?
Curious if they bickered in the limo and the President or First Lady pulled the, "You are not too old to have me get this limo pulled over!"
Wonder if they grease the wheels of parenthood too?  I am sure they offer more than $1 like Ching offers to Laurel to behave during special situations.

I am sure someone wants to interject that Sasha yawned at the end of the televised swearing in ceremony.  You know how you see someone yawn and you just can't help but mimic that same action?  Well, depending on your political preference, I am assuming that Sasha did just that.  Either she saw Crazy Joe Biden yawn or Boehner let one slip...

Apparently, the dad must have birthed them himself.

Her name is Jackie Harbaugh...she is the mom to Jim and John.  Last night when it was apparent that the Baltimore were going to meet up with the San Francisco in the Super Bowl, I couldn't help feel terrible for her.  This would be a mother's worse nightmare.  So much joy that both of her sons were reaching the ultimate game as head coach.  But as a mother, preparation for the pending dread because in two weeks, one son would be the winner and one son would be the loser.

The few articles that I have read about this historical match up didn't even mention the mother...just the father, Jack.  (Yeah that's right, their names are Jack and Jackie.)  Apparently, the dad must have birthed them himself.  The articles read that the dad prepared them for February 3, 2013. I guess, Jackie has been in the background...making sandwiches? While it's easy to get my undies twisted over this oversight, I plowed on with my thinking process.  How does a mother prepare for this?

With two kids now, I painfully make sure that everything feels fair...gifts, attention, Ipad time, sugary treats, etc.  My mother still does this with my sister and me...and we're old!  Jokingly, I will occasionally say that she likes me better than Jess but I can tell that, as her eyes dart left, then right, that she is trying to calculate what she may have done to offset the balance.  Just the uneasy look, gets me to shut the hell up.  I won't mention that again for another couple of years.

While (Jackie) will probably wear this stupid half San Fran, half Baltimore jersey, I can't help but feel for her anxiety.  Cameras will be on her and as a mother, I am sure I will be able to see the questions going through her mind:  Can I not show too much joy for the team that wins?  Or am I showing too much sympathy for the heartbroken one?

She needs to get over the fact that this will not be equitable.  One son cannot have the win this year, while the other son gets the win next year.  I think that Lance has a better shot at a comeback than this match up ever happening again.  I hope she enjoys this accomplishment as much as she possibility can.  But just in case both sons look like assholes during the game, Jackie does have a daughter too.  Probably her favorite all along.