My inner bitch finds solace that she is sporting a scrunchy.

This past week marked an event that is considered blog gold for me--it was Open House at Laurel's school. Last year was the nut butter incident so this year, my guard is up.  Also, I just make sure I am close to the door.

The event doesn't start out that great because it's 93 degrees out and the Pike was jammed due to an accident.  I arrive seven minutes late (but I look pretty good, I will give myself that) as do other parents with similar commutes.  While I come in during the presentation, I find that it's the same one as last year and the year before that.  This version just happens to be for 2nd grade.

Surprisingly, the presentation goes by pretty quickly which is good because sweat is dripping down my legs.  I do brace myself for the Q+A period and true to form, there is a question that has nothing to do with the group but for one individual family.  And then there is a question from a low speaking bitchy mom that gets aggravated that she has to repeat herself.  (Yeah, your kid sucks too.)  My inner bitch finds solace that she is sporting a scrunchy.

Finally, the group is broken up into the individual classrooms and I get to check out Laurel's stuff. And her teacher...who looks really, really young.  Good Lord, she doesn't even look like she has gone through puberty yet.  Never the less, I put that aside because she was a very good speaker during the presentation and Laurel loves her.  I am also trying to be on my best behavior.  This type of event usually brings out my non-filter personality which leads me to say awkward things at inappropriate times.  

Laurel leaves a written letter telling my what she likes about school and what she would like to do this year.  Her first goal is to make more friends.  Out loud, I say, "more friends?  You wanted 40 of your besties at last year's birthday party!"  Other parents are looking at me wondering who I was talking to and why am I questioning more friends?  And I start coughing, like that is going to camouflage my babbling.

Then I see another writing project that states her favorite part of 1st grade was homework.  That is such a blatant suck up and lie!  And I don't keep this to myself either.  I also don't even notice if parents are slowly inching away from me.  

I don't care because I have the task of introducing myself to Laurel's teacher.  As I am waiting my turn I am next to one of Laurel's best friend's mom.  I like her very much and am always astounded by her time management.  She is volunteering to be a classroom mom.  I inch away from her and avoid eye contact with the teacher.  I want to make is clear that I am not volunteering.  This mom (of two adopted Chinese girls) offers all sorts of resources for the social studies project on China.  I am then reminded that my Chinese husband may not even remember that he is Chinese.  

Still waiting for my intro turn and I notice the nut butter mom!  Her daughter must be in this class.  She has a baby strapped to the front of her and is sporting huge side boob---Oh my God, please start feeding your kid in here.  Whip it out and let all the dads either stare or squick out!  And she doesn't...oh well.  (Thankfully I kept that request silent.)

Oh my turn...

JCW:  "Hi.  I wanted to introduce myself.  My name is Jude Carlson-Wang.  I am Laurel's mom. She thinks very highly of you."

Laurel's teacher:  "Oh Laurel--she is a very charming, independent girl."

JCW:  "Yeah, I don't know where she gets that.  I don't think she is my kid."

L's T:  stares blankly

I need to stop doing this......