Of course not only am I thinking pure crazy but I can't keep it to myself.

I don't know where my mind wandered with this.  Perhaps I have lost it.  I may offend someone...this is the time when you just look away.  Of course not only am I thinking pure crazy but I can't keep it to myself.  

Okay, rather than complain about my bulbous butt as I grab my morning chocolate chip muffin, I get myself into a Barre class (well after I have eaten the muffin...no I didn't put it down, small steps.)

In case you are not familiar with this type of class, the toning exercises focuses on your rear, inner/outer thighs, etc.  Think of it this way:  Barre is to Butt as Pilates is to Core...I am pretty sure, again, I am a newbie.

As the squeezes and clenches start, I realize that I have a lot of real estate back there.  But I can't focus on this.  I need to have my abs in, shoulders down and concentrate on each movement.  There is some searing pain and leg shaking that starts to happen.  Mariama, the instructor, said that the shaking is calories burning away...yay!  Screw you chocolate chip muffin!  But I have to focus on something else...I realize my goal.  I want  Mariama's butt--that would be awesome.  I am sure that Lulu Lemon would like to think that their pants are the reason why her glutes look so good but she could wear cheap Target pants like me and it would still look good.  Oh Christ, I am obviously staring so intently that I can see that Lulu logo.  And now that I have confessed that, I might as well go all the way.  I am also thinking that Mariama's fiance is one lucky man.

Then I start to digress...all the while clenching my ass off.  And no, not literally.  I only wish that.  Focus!  The class is going right and you are going left.  But I can't help it.  My mind is racing. I start thinking about preferring to look at women than men and I realize who has it better. I then start a ranking process of men and women and their sexual preference, heterosexual woman get the short end of the stick--that is figurative and perhaps literal for some.
1.  Lesbians have it best with the visual of their mate.  Not only to they get to appreciate a beautiful woman but they appreciate the possible effort that goes into the appearance.
2.  Hetero Men--yeah, I am not thrilled with this.  Some of you may appreciate a beautiful woman but what the woman is looking at..not so much.
3. (tie) Hetero Woman/Homosexual Men--I am the first part.  There are so many appendages.  Just there...I just want to swat it away.  Maybe I am weird but I just want it covered up.  I can't speak for the men but I am sure there are a few out there that feel the same way.  Perfect example that heterosexuality is not a choice!

Why am I thinking of this stuff?  I try to put is aside and just finish the class and I do.  But my muscles are Jelly McShaky and I can barely say thank you for the class.  I will be back.  Maybe I won't get the instructor's butt but here's the first class to getting the booty of Jude Carlson circa 1992.